Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Young Drivers are Careless and Overconfident.

Young drivers are careless and overconfident and too many people are killed in accidents. To eliminate this problem, we could teach children the skills of safe driving while they are at school.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It has been observed that fatality rates on roads are escalating at a swift pace due to rash driving of by young people. It is therefore imperative to teach them driving rules and safety skills in school since……. , for this, schools are considered as one of the place where children can learn these skills. To my mind, in spite of some concerns, this notion has strong elements which need consideration(Instead of writing STRONG ELEMENTS, better MENTION them. ….. safety skills in school since schools can teach rules in a disciplined fashion and can involve organizations such as the traffic police in teaching rules. However, there are a few equally important concerns.)

To begin with, teaching driving rules in the school premises has myriads of benefits. Most of the youngsters, if not all, are not aware of traffic rules, owing to which they unintentionally break laws on roads. Consequently, they are more prone to collapse collide with other vehicles than adults who are aware of the rules (The line of thought is fine but the idea is not completely conveyed. MORE prone than whom? OTHER is incorrect since THEY – youngsters – are not vehicles.). If schools start providing theoretical as well as practical knowledge about driving, then the young people would be more rigorous (wrong word choice – careful) towards driving (The idea is fine – now explain HOW?). The Canada Canadian government, for instance, takes written test before issuing a driving license, thus, children would certainly get virtue of former studies about safe driving in later years (While the IDEA is about careful driving, the explanation is on a driving test. They’re incompatible. If schools start providing theoretical as well as practical knowledge about driving, then the young people would be more careful towards driving. Schools are a safe place to teach about the speed limit, seat belts, zebra crossing, overtaking rules. This enables them to drive carefully on roads.). Furthermore, in schools children would not only learn traffic rules from skilled persons but also gain pragmatic knowledge by simulators which would make them expert in driving. (Parallelism – not only X but also Y. X and Y must be parallel. The first word of X and that of Y should belong to the same family. Learn and Gain are verbs.) EXPLANATION missing – Professionals such as traffic police personnel, lawyers, doctors and insurers can deliver lectures to children about following traffic rules and the material as well as personal consequences of an accident. This will make them aware of the possible troubles they may face if they drive carelessly.

The ideas are clear and precise. But the explanation is either inadequate or not written. Please explain all ideas in a logical and precise manner to score higher bands.

However, reckless driving of by young people could not be mitigated by virtual tests. Since children are only allowed to drive at the age of 18, hence (No need of hence with since. The correct construction is SINCE X, Y.) it may be possible young people could can not recite all rules, what that they had learnt learn in school time (Please maintain the present tense). Consequently, teaching traffic rules is merely reduced to another subject which students learn to pass an exam and never use it on a daily basis. Additionally, students are already overloaded with an immense pressure of various subjects, in . In such a case new curriculum is not a wise decision to handle with this soaring concern (The meaning or reference of this soaring concern is not clear). So government should take some stringent action against rash young drivers, license of those ones should be suspended or revoked to extirpate road accidents(This paragraph is not about SOLUTION to the issue of road accidents but about the inefficacy of teaching rules in school. Better elaborate on “immense pressure of subjects”. EXPLAIN.) Adding a new subject will increase the pressure of studies and the students’ performance in other subjects may also suffer.

As in the first body paragraph, the ideas are not adequately explained. This is your biggest weakness.

In conclusion, schools are one medium to provide awareness about deleterious effects of bad driving. However, inattentive and overconfident youngsters should not be allowed to run any vehicle on the road.

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