Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Should go to Kindergarten Before Attending Primary School – 1.

Some people find it is beneficial to enroll the young children in nursery school before primary school. While others think it is good to keep children with families. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Read the SAMPLE ANSWER as well.

Answer:

The pre-schooling stage is very essential in children’s life. Although it might be in the children’s favor to spend that period at home to get an extensive care, I think that enrolling in kindergarten can largely contribute to the development of the children’s their personality and skills. (Let us use a referencing device ‘their’ to refer back to children. This serves the dual purpose of avoiding word repetitions and increasing cohesion.) 

The introduction is well-written. It MENTIONS the reasons supporting each viewpoint in a concise, clear and specific manner.

On the one hand, those who believe that in preschool period, kids should if kids stay at home might argue that it is advantageous to for their nurture nurturing and upbringing (for + verb’s ING form; to + verb’s infinitive form). Firstly, they can have full time to spend with and learn from their parents and siblings (Without ‘WITH’, the sentence means children spend from their parents and learn from their parents. SPEND FROM is incorrect.). As many studies have revealed, kids in at an early age learn the most and what they learn is most probably to stay with them all lifelong. (NOTE: Since the study’s results are written in the present – learn, is – you must use HAVE REVEALED. Do not use past tense – REVEALED.) Therefore, it is important for kids to spend that time with trusted individuals who teach them good manners and essential skills.

The arguments are logically developed with proper task response and appropriate lexical resources (The words are appropriately placed). A few minor structural issues. 

On the other hand, my view (Good!) is that being to attending/ joining a nursery (kindergarten) is vital for the physical and mental development of a kid. To begin with, most of the nurseries are equipped with professional mentors who have the experience about all the skills, (No need to place “such as A, B and C” between two commas) such as communication, painting and dancing skills, (let us make ideas more specific with two more examples) that kids should learn before primary school (Improve task response) at their age. This is very important to develop the personality of kids and increase their self-confidence. Moreover, in addition to those these skills, nurseries look after the physical health of the kids by allocating special sports classes that suit their age.

The arguments are logically developed with proper task response and appropriate lexical resources. There is a scope for improvement with more specific inputs (exhibits better LR) and better context (before primary school).

In conclusion, despite the special treatment and tailored care which kids can have at home if they do not go to preschool nurseries, I have a firm belief that kids should enroll in a learning institute before primary school these institutes in order to prepare them physically and mentally for primary school(prepare mentally and physically for what? Use referencing device for reasons cited in the introduction.)

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