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IELTS Essay July 2018 Correction: Trade And Cultural Relations Between Countries.

Some people believe that trade and cultural relationships between the countries is a positive development, while others disagree. Discuss both views and include your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The era of globalization has reduced the size of this planet into a matter of seconds and minutes (SIZE cannot be reduced to seconds and minutes. Defies logic.). It is far more easier and quicker for information, products, and humans to travel across boundaries. Also, in the past, it was trade and, to a certain extent war, that led to an amalgamation of different cultures. (This is too complex to make sense of. Let us keep this really plain and simple. Some people think that trade and cultural relations between different nations bring economic prosperity and social harmony. Others believe that this leads to job losses and cultural dilution. I agree with the former/ latter view.) In this essay, I shall discuss the positive as well the negative aspects of trade and cultural relationships between countries. (Shoot directly. Mention the REASONS supporting each view in the introduction.)

On the one hand, the developed nations are helping the developing nations to strengthen their economy and provide room for further growth internationally. This has been observed in the following ways, f . Firstly, imperialist countries like the United States have shifted their operational base from home country to a developing country like India. India is rich in manpower and provides for cheap skilled labor like engineers. (The idea is neither clear nor adequately developed. I can’t see how trade and cultural development between India and USA are a positive development. Trade relations between India and the United States, for instance, have benefitted both nations. While this has created jobs for millions of Indians through investment in factories, this has helped the Americans get quality products at cheaper prices.) Moreover, it creates employment opportunities for a country that is overpopulated. Secondly, the way west has popularised its culture in terms of food, music, films, art and fashion encourages the east eastern countries to promote their culture in the west. For example, Indian food especially butter chicken is very famous and is relished in England. (Is this a positive development? You’ve presented this as a TIT for TAT case. Secondly, the proliferation of foreign cultures has made every country rich. Western culture in the form of fast food, jeans, and movies, for example, has increased the choices for the people (Positive development) in different countries. This has also resulted in a better understanding of different cultures (Positive development). This is evident in a deep understanding of the Indian culture in the USA due to the influence of Yoga and Bollywood films.)

On the other hand, some people believe that the influence of western culture has been extraordinary. Easterners have started condemning their own culture. (HOW? Explain this. They are abandoning local customs, dressed, music, and food. This is leading of erosion of local cultures and a decrease in diversity of cultures. For example, the Indian youth no longer prefers to wear kurta-pajama, a local dress, and wear jeans leading to the slow death of the Indian dress.) The youth is attracted to multinational jobs and all that is associated with it. The most common seen among this is conversing in English and the jeans culture (Flawed sentence structure. I still can’t see how this is a negative development. This is most commonly seen in the widespread use of the English language at the expense of local languages and the proliferation of jeans as the most common dress.). The acceptability and pride for one’s culture seems to be losing its way. (How? You’ve not explained how conversing in English and the jean culture is leading to loss of local culture.) This is also reflected in the write ups by young blood. (Which write ups?)

However, in my opinion, the effects of cross connection between the east and west is are more positive than negative. As people of one planet, the developed is helping the developing to grow and prosper. Moreover, it fosters the feeling of nationalism whereby youngsters of the country can enhance their own culture and in turn retain it for the future generations.

This essay suffers from several issues:

  1. The task response is not strong. You should keep in mind the following keywords – trade relations, cultural relations, positive development. The reader should clearly see them in the body paragraphs.
  2. The arguments are not strongly developed. Please develop an idea in a logical manner before proceeding to the next point. That’s why I have raised numerous questions in the red colour above.

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