Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Trade And Cultural Relations Between Countries -1.

Some people believe that trade and cultural relationships between countries is a positive development while others disagree. Discuss both the views and include your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Undoubtedly, numerous advances in science and technology has have made the whole world a global village where one can travel across the seas easily (The sentence is too long. Let us end it here since one thought/idea is over) which . This has (tremendously) increased the opportunities for trade heavily (avoid heavily if you use tremendously) and can establish established (parallelism) friendly relationships through cultural exchange. Some people reckon this trend as a positive development while others regard it as negative due to loss of unique social identity identification and extended dependency on other nations (loss of sovereignty). However, I agree with the former view.

To commence with, foreign trade is vital for the progress of any country. Not only it leads to greater employability employment opportunities (employability refers to the ability of a person to gain employment) as new factories and business houses set up, but also it adds to the economy of a nation due to increased productivity. (Idea mentioned and explained. But there is a scope for better explanation. This is precisely the difference between a 7 band answer and an 8 band response.) Maintaining cultural relationships with different countries is also fruitful since it enhances the love, peace and harmony among nations which essential to make the planet earth worth living. For instance, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi is promoting the Indian culture in another other places so that it can be recognized globally and significantly. (The idea is clear. But you’ve not explained it and jumped to an example. Let us logically develop the argument with this explanation: These relationships help people from different cultures to understand each other closely and eliminate any biases that lead to conflict. For example, the proliferation of Yoga and Ayurveda in the United States has led to a greater understanding about Indians and Americans considers them as friends.)

Nevertheless, the foreign countries free trade flow (wrong word choice – forieng countries can’t do this. Free trade can.) adversely affect the local business and crafts and make these (Wrong referencing device – there is no mention of craftsmen earlier. The noun used is crafts.) craftsmen suffer great losses. For example, as per a report in an Indian Daily, 60% of conventional skilled art-work has got vanished due to surging modern equipment and machines imported from China and Japan (Let us write more specifically and clearly to score greater bands. How does the modern equipment lead to the vanishing of artists? For example, a World Trade Organisation report has revealed that the import (= trade) of machine manufactured paintings from China has led to the loss of livelihood for thousands of human painters in India.). Also, some societies adopt the modus-vivendi of other continents communities/ societies/ cultures/ people (wrong word choice) and loose its their (societies = plural, use a plural pronoun.) own unique existence. For instance, Indian youngsters are under the great influence of western society and imitate it in all aspects of clothing, food, and lifestyle which is ruining their traditional philosophy and ideologies. (Let us elaborate by being more specific. They prefer jeans and skirts more than kurta-pajama and traditional salwar suits.)

To conclude, despite the deplorable effects of international trade and cultural relations on a community’s local small ventures and its traditional existence, it is crucial to continue these practices to raise the standards of masses and to establish world harmony for the betterment of posterity.

Though you’ve made a good attempt, there is ample scope for improvement in arguments. A specific and clear response is always preferred in any formal written communication.

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