Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Trade And Cultural Relations Between Countries -2.

Some people believe that trade and cultural relationships between countries is a positive development while others disagree. Discuss both the views and include your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some would argue that business and cultural ties among nations is a positive development, while others totally disagree with this view. Since promoting this might can decrease devalue/ depreciate (lexical resource issue – not the right word choice) the currency and dilute the cultural values of countries, I believe that this helps in creating more jobs and a chance for the youngsters to learn new cultures. (Wrong structure. You can’t write: Since ADVANTAGES, DISADVANTAGES. Advantages can’t lead to disadvantages and vice-versa. Better write advantages with positive development. Restructure: Some would argue that business and cultural ties among nations is a positive development (VIEW) since this creates more jobs and gives chances to youngsters to learn about new cultures (Reason supporting view). Others totally disagree (VIEW) because this devalues the currency and dilutes the cultural values (Reason supporting view).)

On the one hand, when two nations sign trade deals, it allows foreign companies to carry out trade activities between the two nations in other nation. In other words, the foreign companies earn huge profits by launching products that are relatively cheaper and better in quality to than (cheaper than, better than.) those of local goods. This leads to a nation’s wealth going into the hands of foreign investors and resulting results (Parallelism – leads is parallel to results. Please read the article on Parallelism.) in reducing the value of the currency. For example, since the establishment of Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) rule FDI, which allows foreign multinational to set up their business in India(need a comma here) the value of Indian currency has been down by almost 30%. (The argument is well developed. Good job!)

On the other hand, strong trade and cultural ties between countries are is advantageous as it helps they help in creating more job opportunities for many graduates by setting up their (whose offices?) offices of multinational companies in other nations. For instance, after the establishment of foreign call centres in India, many youngsters are not only employed but also earning handsome packages from these companies. Also, this has increased the employment rate (You mentioned this in the previous sentence. This increases economic prosperity in the country.). Moreover, the cultural ties such as student exchange program give a huge exposure to many students by enabling them to experience and understand new cultures. (You’ve stated the idea. Now explain EXPOSURE. How is this a positive development? The deeper understanding of diverse cultures enables them to live harmoniously with others and work efficiently in a global company.)

In conclusion, although trade relationships among countries might devalue the currency of some nations, I believe that healthy bonds are a positive development because it they not only increase the employment for prospects but also gives enable (lexical resource – not the right word choice.) the child to know and study about different societies.

There are areas that are not clear or not explained. A few grammar and lexical resource mistakes.

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