Answer Checking

IELTS General Task 1 Correction: Minor Surgical Procedure.

You will have to undergo a minor surgical procedure and you will not be able to do your job in full. Write to your manager
– Explain about the operation.
– Say what part of the job you will not be able to do.
– Suggest a solution to this situation.

Dear Sir,

My name is Avin Kaur (No need to mention your name. Your manager knows you.) and I have been working as an accountant in your pioneer company for the last two years. I am writing to inform you that I will have to operate (You are not operating yourself) undergo an operation for my weak eyesight, (no comma here) because of which I would not be able to work on the computer for a few days, as per my doctor’s recommendation.

I am writing to inform you that I have a minor surgical operation of my left eye scheduled for the next Saturday (MENTION the facts). My doctor has recommended me not to work on a computer for at least 10 days (Results of facts). Consequently, I will not be able to perform all the activities during this period (Consequences of the result)(3 sentences. Each explaining a different but connected idea. Not the use of data/ facts to make the arguments stronger.)

Since I have to work for 6 to 7 hours on a computer, because of which, (since = because) I was feeling feel (maintain the present tense. HAVE, FEEL.) a lot of strain on my eyes. After concerning to consulting my doctor, he (Wrong structure – the presence of a modifier shows that HE consulted the doctor. Not you. HE does not refer to the doctor but to someone else. To understand why this construction is incorrect, please read the article on MODIFIERS.) prescribed me to undergo a minor surgery (After a thorough examination, the doctor suggested me to undergo a minor laser surgery.). However, I can continue (resume) my work a day after the operation. But, the doctor strictly mentioned to restrain from watching television and working on computer for two weeks. (You have TWO contrasting ideas – you can work, you can’t work on the computer. The best construction to connect the two ideas and improve cohesion in the sentence is THOUGH X, Y. The use of HOWEVER above is not recommended since it is same as BUT and you’ve used it in the next sentence. Though I can resume work after a day’s rest, I am not allowed to use computers or watch television screens.)

Hence, I would be grateful to you if you can depute some other another person to work for complete the computer tasks work. I can handle his duties too I can assume other roles and duties. As it is a matter of 14 days only, after that I will rejoin my previous services. (The last sentence does not make any sense. As = Since = Because. You should have written: Since/ As it is a matter of 14 days only after which I will rejoin my previous services, I request you to make some adjustments.)

Hoping for your kind consideration.

Yours faithfully,

Avin Kaur.

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