Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: The Difference in Age Between Parents and Children is Increasing.

The difference in age between the parents and children is increasing as compared to the past. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The 21st century has witnessed an unprecedented increase in the age gap between the parents and wards children (In pursuit of using synonyms, do not compromise the meaning of the sentence. WARDS is an inaccurate word. It is not the same as children. WARD is a person who is under protection of another person.) from last two decades (give only one timeline – either 21st century or last two decades.) either due to the concept of late marriage or availability of better conceptive contraceptive techniques (concept can’t do anything. Late marriage can.). This trend has both positives and negatives in different aspects. This essay (The question is addressed to you. Not to the essay.) would excogitate (Using simpler words will fetch you more bands. Trust me!) benefits and harms of having baby lately in the subsequent paragraphs.

It is better to write “I” and MENTION the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction.

“I think this trend has advantages such as A and B as well as disadvantages ranging from X to Y.”

On the positive side, planning children in late forties increases the maturity level of guardians the parents (another wrong attempt at using a synonym. Guardian is not the same as a parent.) which leads to an extended (understanding cannot be extended. It can be detailed, deeper or better.) understanding of all the issues related to child-rearing. Such parents are more aware of the social and biological needs of their babies as well as and have an increased level of tolerance (Parallelism: ARE and HAVE are parallel. Both are auxiliary verbs.). Moreover, by this age mother and father get financial sufficiency which helps to provide good facilities to their kids. (As well as vs and: As well as is used to express that two WORDS – nouns and adjectives – are equally important. It cannot connect two parts of a sentence. AND, on the other hand, connects two parts of a sentence.) Since most people begin a career at the age of 22, the later they give to a child, the more time they have to accumulate financial resources to take care of the child.

NOTE: You’ve presented tow ideas to support the increasing age gap between parents and children. However, none of them is explained well. 1. How do parents who marry late have a better understanding of child-rearing? 2. Explain financial sufficiency.

On the flipside, the downside of this phenomenon cannot be overlooked. Firstly, a greater difference in age means the parents would be quite old when their wards children/ kids would get young grow into young adults. Hence they would not be able to enjoy the company of their adult offsprings and grandchildren to the fullest as old age may become a deterrent to it. (This idea is well argued.) Secondly, large age-gap implies bigger generation gap which causes a difference in of opinions and ideologies leading to conflicts. For instance, a survey conducted by Forbes magazine revealed that in the USA, 60% of people above the age of 20 live separately since they have no compatibility of thoughts with their parents. (You should mention that this is due to the age gap.) Also, late conception may increase the risk of various complications in both the infant and the mother. For instance, a scientific report shows that children who are born to elder (elder than whom?) mothers in late 30s are more prone to autism which is a serious concern in many western countries. (This idea is well argued.)

Though there is an ample scope for improvement in the body paragraph 2, it is much better developed than body paragraph 1.

To conclude, it is evident that the disadvantages of large deviation (wrong word. Deviation leads to change in direction.) difference of ages in parents and children outride the advantages by miles. (This is not the same opinion as expressed in the introduction. There you’ve mentioned that there are both adv and disadv. It suggests they are equal in number.) So, for the safety of posterity and maintenance of congenial atmosphere in a family, this gap should be not too high.

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