Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Trade And Cultural Relations Between Countries – 3.

Some people believe that trade and cultural relationships between countries is a positive development while others disagree. Discuss both the views and include your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some individuals think that bilateral ties of trade and culture among the countries is a good development, whereas others do not agree. Business and cultural relationships across the border promote a nation towards the prosperity, h . However, (Use HOWEVER at the beginning of a sentence. Always.) too much reliance on this exchange poses a threat of losing finances business conflicts and traditional values.

On the positive side, international trade enables companies to earn huge profits and create employment for many people, c . Consequently, progressing the economy of a country towards growth (progress = growth. Growing towards growth? Seems incorrect. Consequently, the people of all trading nations become rich and in turn make their respective countries richer.). Cultural bonds (Which cultural bonds? Cultural interaction between people from different countries) give diversity and new flavors of tradition and respect emerge. (Let us end the sentence here. The idea is complete. The following part is an explanation and it should begin as a new sentence.) enhancing This enhances the social values in this era of globalisation through the exports of various types of materials, clothes and food items. (Your idea was “new flavors of tradition and respect”. You were supposed to elaborate on this idea. But that explanation is missing. You’ve written HOW the exchange of tradition happens.) For example, many people in the world celebrate international yoga day, a movement started by India, and get awareness of using ancient i Indian products by Patanjali worldwide. (Okay. But does that lead to a positive development? Please mention that.)

(Cultural interaction between people from different countries gives rise to diversity and new flavors of tradition and respect. When Europeans and Americans establish businesses in Asia, for example, they share their food, festivals, dressed and customs with the Asians. This fosters a deeper understanding (positive development) between the western and the eastern cultures.)

On the negative side, people often enslave themselves in foreign products and pose serious threats on losing one’s own (one’s = own) identity. For example, Colgate, a toothpaste used by many individuals in India replaced the traditional ayurvedic toothpastes and today’s youth does not know about it (it refers to Colgate. Not ancient toothpastesthem. (the argument is incomplete. How did they lose their identity? With each such loss of traditional products, Indians are losing the idea of being an Indian and are gradually assimilating the western culture. This is leading to a loss of their unique identity.) Another compelling reason is that international trade often leads to business conflicts (IDEA statement). s Small-scale businesses suffer heavy losses when their order gets canceled or a shipment is refused, causing both trouble financial loss and faith issues between different countries the countrymen (There is no reference to “trade between nations”. The oblique and weak reference is found in countrymen. Moreover, this sentence is an explanation. Not an idea statement.). Finally, more westernisation bring the traditional systems to a halt and decrease cultural values among societies.(If you’re not planning to explain an idea, better not write it.)

The body paragraphs suffer from a serious issue. Lack of proper explanation. You’ve either missed the idea context or not explained it. I strongly advise you to spend 5 minutes to brainstorm the topic and scribble IDEAS and EXPLANATION before writing.

In conclusion, international trade and cultural bonds are the strongholds for any country. These relations benefits many people and a sagacious (I don’t think approaches can be sagacious. Sagacious refers to the application of MIN/ BRAIN with a practical/ shrewd sense. Approaches do not have a mind.) practical approach should be taken for the holistic and productive growth of the individuals. 

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