Answer Checking

IELTS General Task 1 Correction: Office Equipment Not Working Properly.

You are working in a very busy office. A particular piece of office equipment is not working properly. Write a letter to the manager and say:
– What is happening with the equipment?
– How does this affect your work?
– What do you suggest to be done?

20 minutes, 150 words at least.

Answer:

Dear sir,

I am working as a cashier in your bank. I am writing to apprise you that my cash machine is not working properly due to which my work has been slowed down and clients have to wait for long hours to collect their money. (Perfect! The manager will be impressed.)

Since, (no comma after since) our bank is one of the busiest working premises and daily thousands of customers come to redeem their cash (Wrong use of SINCE construction. SINCE X, Y where X is the reason for Y. It’s a CAUSE-EFFECT relationship. Since I’ve been playing in the sun for four hours, I’m suffering from dehydration.). Unfortunately, there are some technical issues occurred in the cash machine (Unfortunately, some technical issues have occurred in the cash machine ….) and it does not display the counting properly. Thus, I have started to count the cash manually (You can express better by writing: As a result, I am compelled/ forced to count the cash manually which takes a long time and customers have to bear the consequences.). But it takes so much a long time and no customers have has the patience to wait for so long. (Wrong use of SO MUCH. The correct construction is SO MUCH ….. THAT ….. However, it takes so much time to count that customers often get frustrated and make online complaints to the senior management.)

Though you’ve written well, there is ample scope for improvement in sentence structure as highlighted above. Keep improving!

Thus, I need a new machine on an urgent basis. Besides, the old machine (Need an article THE to refer back to the machine mentioned earlier in the letter) should be repaired so that I can use it as a backup. It would be salutary for both bank and me. So kindly consider this matter as slow processing of work is affecting a lot(Need not write this. While “kindly consider this matter” is covered by “Hoping for prompt action“, “slow processing of work” is covered in paragraph 2.)

Hoping for prompt action from your side.

Yours faithfully

Avin Kaur

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