Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction July​ 2018: Many Parents Stay at Home and Take Care of Family Instead of Going to Work – 4.

Some parents, especially mothers, stay at home instead of working, and some people think that they should receive monetary compensation from the government. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Parenting is a one of the most complex tasks. To look after children and provide them a better upbringing, many parents, especially women, have to sacrifice their professional career. Therefore, it is suggested by people that the government should be obliged to pay a salary to home-staying parents. However, I completely disagree with this statement. (The introduction is well-written.)

The first reason why a government should not give financial assistance to parents looking after their children is that a large proportion of government’s budget would be allocated to family affairs. If this happened happens then the state’s exchequer would not be have enough revenue to provide necessary facilities such as health care and education. To illustrate, developing countries such as India which has have (which refers to developing countries, not India. In fact, there is no need of which in this sentence.) a large population and serious concerns like environmental degradation and illiteracy.  If the government start funding parents for childcare then there will not be enough finance to tackle these grave issues.

In addition, it is a fundamental duty of parents to take care of their children and they parents should not be paid to do that. B because, (no comma after because) this would make materialistic relationship between a child children (their can refer to a plural noun only) and their parents materialistic which would result in the erosion of moral and ethical values. As, (no comma after AS) as a child would be raised in an atmosphere where every efforts (every = singular) made whether it is for love or to perform any for work will have a financial value (AS and SINCE are used to construct a CAUSE and EFFECT relationship. “As X, Y” “X as Y”) (Parallelism – for love, for work.). Owing to this, grown-ups would demand monetary aid for looking after elderly people. Thus supporting parents financially for family care should not be encouraged.

Though you have developed the arguments logically, a large number of grammar mistakes will reduce your score.

In conclusion, as per my perspective, the government could cannot (could reflects a mere possibility) afford funding every family and (who is getting paid for love? Subject missing.) getting paid for the love and care the parents give to their children is not beneficial for individuals and society as a whole. (The sentence is badly structured and does not convey your message clearly. You need to use NEITHER NOR construction to improve the sentence’s structure and build cohesion.) (In conclusion, I believe that neither can the government afford to fund every family nor is it ethical to measure love and care in financial terms. This may have serious repercussions for the society.)

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2 replies »

  1. Some parents, especially mothers, stay at home instead of working, and some people think that they should receive monetary compensation from the government. Do you agree or disagree?

    Nowadays, the parents are the most complex task. To take care of the children many parents, especially women, have to sacrifice their professional career. However, I think the government should compensation by paying a salary and do not lose their job.

    First, in many countries, people are facing this problem, whereas a consequent the low birth rate is declining, as a result of the bad condition. So the government should work more on this and do more for parents which some of them decide first to develop such as health care and education. For instance, in my country, a lot of women have to give up their professional career, to stay at home and to look after her child. Instead of this, the government should pay mothers which stay at home or should help mothers to pay childcare.

    Furthermore, it is a duty that parents should tack care for their children, especially the first year of a kid’s life, during these years the child learn various morals such as honesty and integrity and only mother can impart these morals. Mothers how staying at home have enough time to look after child healthy, to improve their skills, if the child can be ill the mother can react very quickly, etc. After this, the government must make sure that any mother how is staying at home do not lose their jobs because this is happing these days.

    Therefore, even each parent needs helps to balance their daytime and find a middle between their job and maternity leave. I believe the government cannot afford each family such a heal but should provide a low that each mother, after their maternity does not lose her job.

    can you evaluate my essay
    thank you

    Like

  2. Some parents, especially mothers, stay at home instead of working, and some people think that they should receive monetary compensation from the government. Do you agree or disagree?

    Nowadays, the parents are the most complex task. To take care of the children many parents, especially women, have to sacrifice their professional career. However, I think the government should compensation by paying a salary and do not lose their job.

    First, in many countries, people are facing this problem, whereas a consequent the low birth rate is declining, as a result of the bad condition. So the government should work more on this and do more for parents which some of them decide first to develop such as health care and education. For instance, in my country, a lot of women have to give up their professional career, to stay at home and to look after her child. Instead of this, the government should pay mothers which stay at home or should help mothers to pay childcare.

    Furthermore, it is a duty that parents should tack care for their children, especially the first year of a kid’s life, during these years the child learn various morals such as honesty and integrity and only mother can impart these morals. Mothers how staying at home have enough time to look after child healthy, to improve their skills, if the child can be ill the mother can react very quickly, etc. After this, the government must make sure that any mother how is staying at home do not lose their jobs because this is happing these days.

    Therefore, even each parent needs helps to balance their daytime and find a middle between their job and maternity leave. I believe the government cannot afford each family such a help but should provide a low that each mother, after their maternity does not lose her job.

    can evaluate my essay

    Like

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