Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Trade And Cultural Relations Between Countries – 4.

Some people believe that trade and cultural relationships between the countries is a positive development, while others disagree. Discuss both the views and include your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

While some people consider that the growing trade and cultural relationships among the countries has myriad of prospects as it has lead led to a better economic and cultural understanding between the countries. Others believe that it leads to the degradation of individuality of many countries. I agree with the former view. (Perfecto! Could I have written such a clear and precise introduction? I doubt it.)

Clearly, the establishment of numerous multinational companies in developing countries have has (subject = establishment = singular) provided a plethora of job opportunities for the unemployed people and has helped in improving the economy of the country. For example, countries like China and India has have (subject = countries = plural) immensely benefited from the international trade as various MNCs have invested in these countries and provided numerous jobs for the local people. Moreover, owing to globalisation people are able to enjoy different a variety of (a diversity of) (just to avoid word repetition) music, movie, and cultures of different countries. Earlier people were unaware of festivals such as Halloween, Christmas and Easter egg, but now most of these festivals are celebrated throughout the world. In addition to this many Indian spiritual practices such as yoga and meditation is are respected and practiced throughout the globe.

Though the paragraph above has a few minor grammar issues, the communication is clear and precise. Task response, cohesion, and coherence are adequate. 

However, globalization has posed many threats to the cultural and economic development of a country. First of all, the small scale local companies which work form one place (this is covered under local) face the danger of extinction as they lack the resources and power to compete with multinational companies. To exemplify, many Indian wood industries are suffering because people today prefer to buy plastic furniture from the international brands. (good example) Secondly, the eradication of traditional cultural values is clearly visible in the young generation such as t . They prefer to wear western clothes over the traditional ethnic clothes like dhoti and kurta pajama. Moreover, instead of celebrating their local festivals such as Guru Purnima, youngsters prefer to celebrate western events and festivals such as Valentine’s day and Halloween.

There is a scope to make ideas and explanation more clear and specific. A good attempt nevertheless.

To conclude, even though globalisation have has disadvantages but the advantages far outweigh them. It not only helps in improving the economy of a country but also shortens the bridge of bridges the differences among communities of the world. (Bridge can be used as a verb also.)

Bands = 7.0.

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