Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Rich Countries Should Not Employ Skilled Workers From Poor Countries.

Rich countries should not employ skilled workers from poor countries, as the poor countries need the worker more. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Gone are the days, when people were confined to work in their native countries. Due to globalization, this scenario has changed, now (this scenario has changed = gone are the days. Repetition.) skilled people are enticed toward affluent nations to get their favorite jobs. Some people, however,  argue that skilled people who belong to impoverished nations should not be allowed to work in wealthy nations, (no need of a comma before because unless it is a modifier) because poor nations need more skilled workers to develop their countries. To my mind, this effort (Which effort? To send them or not to send them? Your opinion is not clear.) will certainly be salutary for both haves and have-nots. (Salutary how? Who are haves and have-nots? Are these people or nations? A vague and unclear opinion.)

Undoubtedly, in this globalized world, educated people are migrating to developed countries in pursuit of greener pastures. But the consequences of this trend are not fruitful for underdeveloped nations. Since, (wrong punctuation. Do not place a comma immediately after SINCE. The right construction is SINCE X, Y. Where X is the cause, Y is the effect.) such nations are utilizing utilize (use simple present tense, not present continuous) their resources on on educating and training (lack of specificity and precision reduces score) citizens, but no virtue benefit (incorrect word: VIRTUE. It is moral righteousness) is receiving received from masses, who do jobs in other nations (This sentence has a lot of loopholes as pointed out above. PLUS, the use of SINCE construction is incorrect. I can’t see the consequence (Y). This can only be corrected by connecting with the previous sentence: But the But the consequences of this trend are not fruitful for underdeveloped nations (Y) since these nations spend huge monetary resources in training the workforce which prefers to economically contribute to other countries (X).). Hence, poor nations  have been developing at snail‘s pace. Therefore, it is essential for the government to take some necessary steps (some = plural. Use stepS) to refrain brain drain and one likely solution is to stop providing jobs to nonresident skilled workers. (Wait. There is a missing logic here. Losing countries = developing. Gaining countries = developed. Countries that can impose a ban on skilled workers = developed. If developed countries are gaining, why should they impose the ban?) Therefore, both developed and developing countries should work together to impose a ban on the migration of skilled workers to the developed countries.

Moreover, the gulf between rich and poor countries has been escalating (wrong word choice. Tensions escalate. Gulf widens.) widening because of the exodus of people which is not only creating predicaments (which predicament? Please be specific. … is not only leading to a loss of economic productivity for ….) to underdeveloped nations, but developed ones are also suffering from overpopulation also leading to overpopulation in developed countries (parallelism: creating is parallel to leading, not developed. “Not only X but also Y. The first word of X and that of Y should be parallel“.). Owing to which it has become herculean tasks for the governments (rich nations = plural) of rich nations to handle heinous activities like crime, murders and drug addiction (Crime is not an example of heinous activity. It is a term for all heinous activities.). Thus, it is better to provide some financial help in terms of loans, rather than offering jobs to skilled workers of poor nations. (Are they being provided loans in developed countries? Or developing countries? The sense of the question is that skilled worker migration should be stopped. If they’re migrating to developed countries and are given loans instead of jobs, the problem is even bigger. Thus, countries should create attractive employment opportunities for their skilled citizens or offer them soft-loans for business so that they never think of moving to a rich country.)

In conclusion, skilled worker should do jobs in their own nations and developed nations should provide funds to non-developed ones.

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