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IELTS Essay Correction: Economic Development is the Only Way to End Poverty – 1.

Economic development is the only way to end poverty while others believe that it is causing damage to the environment so should be stopped. Discuss both views and opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some people believe that the only method to abolish poverty is the growth of the economy since it provides the opportunities to people to earn money, others think that it ought to be stopped because it is damaging the planet by creating pollution. I agree with the latter view.

On the one hand, it is thought that by establishing more small scale and large scale industries, (no comma here) can actually help in creating jobs for every individuals (every = singular.). (Is economic development same as setting up industries? If yes, please write it and develop context. Economic development is a result of massive private sector investment in setting up large and small scale industries which employ millions of people.) In other words, this enables every citizen to not only work but also to earn their livelihood (every = singular. Use a singular pronoun. Or better, no no pronoun at all.). This helps in reducing the poverty among people. For example, the reason that many western nations like Canada and England have no poverty is due to the fact that every person has a job and can earn for themselves. (Is this because of economic development? An examiner must see KEYWORDS to ensure that the context is right.)

For example, economic progress in countries such as Canada is evident in infrastructure development and private businesses. This has kept unemployment and poverty at extremely low levels.

On the other hand, setting up industries (Again, is this economic development?) can lead to adverse consequences as well because it is not only creating pollution but also destroying the nature at an alarming pace (Excellent parallelism!) (On the other hand, economic progress by setting up manufacturing units and constructing infrastructure results in not only massive air and water pollution but also unprecedented destruction of nature.). This is to say that factories are disposing of their waste material such as toxic chemicals irresponsibly into the rivers so as to save millions which otherwise would have been spend spent on recycling plants. This proves to be detrimental for humans as well as for many aquatic and land animals that are depended dependent on them natural water sources (What does THEM refer to? Nothing.) for their survival. For example, a recent study found that every year more than 30% of both the sea and land animals die as result of contamination in of water, (no comma here) which is done by the factories by discharging their that discharge untreated wastes into the water.

In conclusion, although developing the economy helps in curbing the poverty by enabling people to earn for themselves, I consider that saving environment is far more important as every living creature is dependent on it.

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