Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Economic Development is the Only Way to End Poverty – 1.

Some people think that economic development is the only way to end poverty while others believe that it is causing damage to the environment and it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Economic development is necessary for any country to progress and it is commonly believed that it can remove the poverty. However, some argue that economic development it (let us keep using a pronoun to refer back to economic development) is causing the environmental damage and must be put at a halt.

The introduction would have been much better if you had MENTIONED the reasons supporting each view. Economic is necessary for any country to progress and it is commonly believed that it can remove poverty by creating employment (reason 1) and increasing wages (reason 2). However, some argue that it causes significant damage to the environment through extreme pollution (reason 1) and reckless exploitation of natural resources (reason 2).

On the one hand, poverty can be mitigated through the economic development only. Growing industrial businesses create new avenues of employment for the financially poor people, which helps help them in raising their standard of living. Also, with increasing businesses the government is able to collect more taxes and, with price exemptions, spend on the basic amenities of such as food and shelter. This helps poor people get crucial life-saving support and evade hunger. (The idea is incomplete without a connection with poor people.) Similarly, the government imposes taxes on economic activities to provide free medical care and school education (does this come with economic development?) to poor people which elevate their economic status. For example, in Brazil, the government pays the parents from poor backgrounds who send their children to school so that children do not work at an early age to financially support the family and become qualified individuals in the future (wrong sentence structure: Children do not – 1. work at an early age. 2. become qualified …. Your sentence means that children do not become qualifies individuals in the future. I’m sure that’s not what you wish to communicate.). Therefore, through economic development removal of the poverty is possible.

You’ve missed the task response twice in the paragraph above. Please ensure that there is a connection between ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT and POVERTY in each idea and explanation.

On the other hand, economic development is damaging the environment. Factories and vehicles produce smoke and harmful gases which causes cause air pollution. Moreover, for building new infrastructures and urban housing a large number of trees are cut down to create spaces, resulting in the an increase of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere and the phenomenon of global warming (resulting in 1 and 2. 1 = an increase it. 2 = the phenomenon. AN and THE are articles and, hence, parallel. In your sentence 1 = the increase. 2 = global warming. THE and GLOBAL are not parallel.).  Furthermore, industries dispose of effluents and non-biodegradable waste on land sites and water resources. This leads to an extreme level of pollution leading to the death of millions of animals, plants, fish, and insects. (Let us show that this damages the environment.)

In conclusion, in my view,  economic development can  eliminate poverty. However, it should not be stopped and preventive measures should be taken to protect  the environment from damage. 

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