Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: New Technology is Improving the Lives of Workers.

Some people think that new technology is improving the lives of workers, other say it has more disadvantages. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the sample answer HERE.

Answer:

With the unprecedented advances in science and technology, newer and better facilities are available in the workplace. Some people regard the use of modern technology a boon as it improves the lives of people by making their work faster, more accurate and comfortable (make work – 1. faster 2. more accurate 3. comfortable) that can be done at a comfortable level, too. While others believe that this trend has drawbacks like increased unemployment and greater dependency on artificial intelligence. However, I opine that the former view is stronger than the latter.

On a positive note, undoubtedly, nowadays each and every work can be done by the machines. The output is not only error-free but also fast. For instance, for publishing a book all sorts of works ranging from the typing of material to the binding of pages, (good use of ranging from X to Y) are done by machines which has have made all the tasks easier and accurate than the manual printing. Moreover, the latest innovations have proliferated the level of comfort (You can’t proliferate the level of comfort) increased the comfort levels at the offices. Extreme weather conditions are no more a deterrent due to the presence of devices like air-conditioners and heaters (The explanation is not clear. What is the relation with offices? Deterrent to what? They (refers to “latest innovations”) help in regulating the temperature of workspaces and increase the efficiency of workers.). Here, the role of telecommuting cannot be overlooked in the context of office work. People can attend official meetings, seminars, interviews and other important work by video-conferencing which is a milestone in this field. (Does this improve the life of workers? If yes, do not leave this to the interpretation by the examiner. Write it. Similarly, the telecommuting devices such as video-conferencing have reduced the need for travel. This has made the lives of white-collar workers comfortable since they can work from home rather than spending hours in traveling to the workplace.)

Need to develop the explanation of ideas while keeping the context in mind.

Nevertheless, scientific equipment and machines have increased unemployment as these are deployed for various works in the factories and warehouses. (Does mere deployment cause unemployment? However, scientific equipment and machines automated work which enables one machine to execute work of hundreds of humans. This has resulted in unemployment in different parts of the world.) For instance, in 2008 Nokia had (Simple past tense, not past perfect. Wrong tense.) opened a new manufacturing unit in Sweden where only robots were are (They still are, I suppose.) employed otherwise it (If you’re using could have, the construction is incorrect. Correct construction is: If X had not …, it could have ….. For instance, if Nokia had not installed robots to manufacture mobile phones in its new factory in Sweden in 2008, it could have employed more then 25000 human workers.) could have provided jobs to at least 25,000 people. Furthermore, people are becoming more dependent on technology which means they no longer need to think. (Does this impact workers? Do not lose context. Moreover, you have not explained the idea.)

I’m sure you can understand the loss of task response and lack of explanation of ideas in the paragraph above.

To conclude, new technological advances advancements have enhanced the speed and precision of work done and have led to increased reliability reliance (reliability is different from reliance. Wrong word choice. Lexical resource issue.) on these at workplaces. However, the use of such devices should be limited enough to enhance the cognition levels of masses and to alleviate (You can’t alleviate the dependency. You can alleviate the pain, hunger, distress. Wrong word.) reduce the dependency on machines for the betterment of posterity.

There are issues related to development of ideas. Plus, the context is weak at a few places. The conclusion scores low in lexical resource. Bands = 6.0.

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