Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Teaching Children at Home is Best for Development.

Some people that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

While some would argue that kids should be taught at home by parents because it teaching kids at home (let us avoid the use of because twice. Since = Because.) is best for their development since parents can teach them according to the pace they are comfortable with, I believe that going to school is very crucial to develop communication skills. (Good use of WHILE and SINCE constructions.)

On the one hand, children who study at their own pace at home only from parents allow them to (this portion creates confusion about the meaning of the sentence.) understand and learn the subjects much more effectively and deeply. This to say that unlike in schools where children they have to keep up with the school’s syllabus, whether they learn or not, at home they are under no pressure and can focus on a particular topic for as long as they wish before advancing further. This results in delivering better academic performance. For example, a recent survey revealed that home schooled children schooled at home have outperformed school going children in almost all subjects in India. (The data for class 10 CBSE exams has revealed that during the past 10 years the success rate of students who studied at home is far greater than those who attended the school.)

The development of arguments is proper and logical. There is ample scope to make the example more specific. The task response, cohesion, lexical resource and grammar are good.

On the other hand, it is that I agree with the view that children should go to school because it fosters high communication skills in them, (link WHICH with communication skills without the use of a comma) which can only be developed over the a period of time. Going to school and interacting with other classmates on a daily basis not only helps them to be more expressive but also increases their negotiating skills. This is an important aspect towards child development which needs to be acquired because it helps them later in life to achieve executive roles in a company in the job market. For example, various studies have proved that people who are in top positions in the multinationals possess high communicative skills superior communication which starts as early as when they get into schools they learned at school.

There is scope to improve sentence structure both in body paragraph 1 and 2.

In conclusion, although being taught at home helps children to perform better in exams, I think that school is vital for their development to increase their interactive skills (= development. Writing both amounts to repetition.) which helps them being successful in corporate world enable them to build successful careers. (Alternate structure: I think that schools help in development of children by improving their communication skills which enable them to build strong careers.)

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