Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: New Technology is Improving the Lives of Workers – 2.

Some people say that new technology always brings advantages to workers life. Others say that it has many disadvantages. Discuss both views and say your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the sample answer HERE.

Answer:

Some would argue that worker’s life is improving with the arrival of new technology since it reduces the amount of hard labour and the risk of any injury, o (Parallelism: It reduces – 1. the amount. 2. the risk.) . Others opine that it is has more drawbacks to it because it increases the unemployment among them. (It = singular. Use verb with s/ es. Subject-verb disagreement.)

On the one hand, it is thought that technology has made the lives of the worker much easier because they are required to do less hard labor. This is to say that most of the work in big factories and industries (these words convey similar meanings.) are is (work = singular) done by machines and robots. This has increased not only the productivity of workers (How? When machines do most of the work, how does that increase productivity of workers? You’re jumping to conclusion. Let us make it more logical.) since they can focus on more important tasks but also their life expectancy as they are less likely to suffer an injury while working on the shop floor new modern machines. For example, a recent survey done on workers by Labour Market Association revealed that, with the arrival of new and improved technology, there has been a 70% fall in the number of cases related to injuries and death suffered by labor laborers on during work.

On the other hand, there are those who think that techonolgy increases the rate of unemployment among workers. Big industries Large companies (Corporates) (Industry refers to all companies in a domain. For example, the construction industry includes all companies doing construction.) bring new technology to reduce the costs and to increase the profits. A single unit of machinery installed, (no comma) is able to carry out the same amount of work in a shorter period of time and with less chance of any human error as than what is being done by numerous workers (SAME X AS Y, not than). This forces (They made a choice. Nobody forced them.) enables companies to reduce the number of laborers from their units (which units?) and result in unemployment in worker (Restructure: This enables companies to reduce their reliance on the erratic and costly human workforce resulting in massive unemployment in the organized sector of economy. – Please note that to express your ideas clearly, you need a proper use of words that helps you increase the lexical resource score. Note the underlined words and their placement.). For example, since the day automation has arrived in IT the information technology (IT) sector in the United States, both Google and Facebook has have fired more than 40% of their employers employees working under technical support as as technical support since their work is are now being done by robots. This has led to unemployment among technicians in IT this (referencing) sector.

In conclusion, although there are negatives attached to new technology as it can cost the livelihoods of many workers, I think that new technology shall not be hampered (Wrong word choice. How can technology be hampered? I think the progress (commercial use) of new technology cannot be stopped ……) in any aspect as it can benefit both the workers by making their life easier and free from any danger and the companies by increasing the production and profits in a long run.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.