Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: The Best Way to Overcome Stress.

Some psychologists think that the best way to overcome the stress of everyday life is to spend a portion of the day doing absolutely nothing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

In today’s world, people are leading stressful lives because of several factors such as longer working hours, severe traffic jams and financial predicaments. To make sure that people unwind their day-to-day worries, it is advisable by many psychologists (it is advised by many psychologists) that some proportion of a day should be spent ultimately doing nothing. Although this may have a positive effect on individuals’ lives, I believe that performing physical exercise is a more effective way to relax. (The last sentence means that you believe both are important but one is more important. MORE EFFECTIVE = Both are effective. One more than the other.)

Spending some time in a day deliberately doing deliberately nothing (deliberately is an adverb. It should not be placed before nothing, a noun. Rather, its right place is before doing, a verb), gives a person a chance to disconnect himself from his everyday tasks. This enables one’s mind and body to take easy for a while which would ultimately help relax, rejuvenate and freshen one’s brain. As a result, people will be (ready) enthusiastic and efficient in doing the next day’s chores. (Good job! The idea statement and its explanation are clear, concise, precise and logical. This paragraph scores high on all assessment criterion.)

However, in my view, (The question is “to what extent do you agree or disagree?” and you’ve taken a middle ground in the last sentence of the introduction. So, the previous paragraph is ALSO your opinion. Using HOWEVER sends a message as if body paragraph 1 was not your view.) I believe that active participation in outdoor activities and physical exercises such as playing games and sports are far more relaxing than passively doing nothing because there are of two reasons. Firstly, it is a scientifically proven fact that when we engage in physical exertion, our brain releases endorphins which make us relax and have a transformative effect on our mindset and thinking pattern. Secondly, even if people sit idle or not doing anything do nothing (parallelism: people 1. sit idle 2. do nothing. Sit and do are verbs.), it is difficult to not think about or reflect on their daily problems. Nevertheless, while When people perform physical workouts, they tend to concentrate on their exercises and forget everything else. (Nevertheless is not the same as however. Nevertheless means “despite what has just been said.” I hate the rising number of crimes in India. I love this country nevertheless.)

You’ve developed the ideas really well. However, you sent a message that your opinion is not the same as expressed in the introduction. This will reduce the score in task response.

In conclusion, even though (or while, which is appropriate) (While, even though, although have the same meaning.) some psychologist suggest spending a proportion of a day sitting idle is a good way to get rid of stresses, I believe that engaging in games and sports is a more powerful way combating everyday tensions. (This is not what you wrote in the introduction)

NOTE: If you think only sports (physical activity) is effective in getting rid of stress, you should write about

  1. Why sitting idle does not relieve a person of stress.
  2. Why sports relieve a person of stress.

In this case, your body paragraph 1 is incorrect.

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