Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: The Best Way to Overcome Stress – 1.

Some psychologists think that the best way to overcome the stress of everyday life is to spend a portion of the day doing absolutely nothing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Undoubtedly, we are living in an extremely high-tech (better to avoid this word since it is informal. living in a technologically advanced.) world where one gets no time for (it is for oneself. Implicit.) own recreation, peace of mind or and self-assessment. I strongly believe that a part of the day is crucial to be kept for doing just nothing (You can improve this sentence’s structure: I strongly believe that it is crucial to reserve a part of every day to do nothing.) (NOTE the structure of the clause after THAT. Your sentence is in the PASSIVE voice. “A part of the day is crucial to be kept“. The subject is missing, as expected in a passive voice and the object is placed at the head of the sentence. This can be improved by making it active. “It is crucial to reserve a part of every day to do nothing.” Subject = IT, followed by auxiliary verb = IS, followed by a verb = RESERVE, followed by two objects = “a part of every day” and “do nothing“). It can act as a stress buster and it would boost the morale to do better every next day.

To commence with, in today’s scenario, life of every person has become too fast and busy. For working ladies, the situation is even worse as they have to cope with up to manage both the household and office assignments (The correct word combination is cope with. It is similar to managing things. Construction is “cope with + object”). In such a trend, situation, it is beneficial to spare some self time for relaxing and doing nothing at all. For instance, an Oxford study revealed that humans need at least 30 minutes a day to sit or lay down freely to relax the nerves and mind.

(Though the idea is logically developed, there is scope for improvement. For instance, you can EXPLAIN how doing nothing helps. This helps in preventing the building up of stressed and the possibility of diseases such as diabetes and hypertension.)

Moreover, spending a little leisure time (Is this same as doing nothing? Task response issue.) has magical results. It breaks the monotony of busy hectic schedule and refreshes the mind and body. This time can be utilized by people to ponder over all the things that occurred or done (I’ve noticed that you use OR to write two words with a similar meaning. Sit or lay down, occurred or done. This becomes a lexical resource issue as the examiner interprets that you’re not confident of the word choice.) throughout the day so that it can be evaluated. (This is not the same as your opinion. You supported doing nothing in the introduction. Task response.) It also increases the zeal and consequently, it proliferates (wrong word choice. You can’t proliferate the productivity. This word is specifically used in the context of SPREADING. Let us proliferate our religion in this city. Let the business proliferate without regulation.) increases the productivity of an individual which contributes towards the overall profit of an organization. For instance, Google has opened a huge park and recreational hub inside its premises where the employees can sit and relax whenever they feel like exhausted or bored during the office hours and it has increased the revenue of company by almost 20%.

The first part of this paragraph lacks the task response. The latter part is fine. Avoid using words without understanding their usage.

To conclude, it is a fruitful idea to snatch some free time from the daily routine to get tranquility and for self-analysis. However, many physicians also recommend certain exercises and yoga-asanas to stay mentally healthy and physically fit. (While the conclusion is in conformity with the body paragraphs as it mentions doing nothing as well as phycial exercise, the introduction deviates from them. This reduces task response score. You MUST mention your opinion clearly in the introduction.)

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