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IELTS Essay Correction: Illegal to Reject Someone Applying for a Job Because of Her Age.

In some countries, it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Nowadays, in many countries, it is not legal to refuse the application of a job seeker due to his/her age. I think that this law is fair. Age should not be the main criterion (criteria is the plural of criterioncriteria in for (the correct preposition with criterion is for.choosing employees as it is not a reliable factor and the decisions made based on it may come back to haunt later.

The question statement does not state that AGE should be the main criterion for selection. The statement is about REJECTING employees on the basis of age. NOT SELECTING them. Task response. See in BLUE color below.

Though you’ve followed the recommended structure by MENTIONING the reasons in the introduction, they are not SPECIFIC in nature. Reliable factor? How? What do you mean by haunt later?

Age should not be the criterion for rejecting candidates as it may prevent the selection of most competent employees (more specific than ‘reliable factor’) and ….

For the majority of professions, age is not the most important factor to consider when recruiting staff. Instead, the qualifications and experience of the candidates are the ones that should be taken into consideration. If age were the first factor companies look at when hiring, they would most probably end up recruiting people with less experience and hence deprive their organization from of (deprive of) what would be a great addition to their team. (You’ve sufficiently explained that this is a positive development. Good job!) A 40 years computer engineer who was rejected for a job in a company which was looking for young engineers, started his own company which in few years grew incredibly and started to compete with the company which rejected him (This sentence’s structure is weird since you’ve used which multiple times and it seems to be a combination of too many ideas. For example, one of my father’s friend was compelled to start a software company at the age of 40 since all companies favored younger engineers. He has become a successful businessman and resists any tendency to discriminate employees based on age.). This is an example of what a company could lose when they it only considers the age during recruitment in recruiting. (a company = singular. They = plural.)

Additionally, because the criteria they were chosen upon is incorrect in the first place, those who got hired based on age factor may not be capable of fulfilling the daily requirements of the job. (The question statement doesn’t state that employees are hired on the bases of age only. It says that employees should not be rejected on the bases of age. There is a lot of difference between the two statements. Lack of task response.) This may result in a degrade in of the department in which they work in as a whole because of the mistakes those newbie employees may commit due to their insufficient experience. Furthermore, in many cases, the administration of the companies may find themselves compelled to lay off the age-based chosen (task response issue as mentioned above.) employees and look for new competent candidates. The This process that costs the company money, time and efforts. 

The ideas expressed in body paragraph 2 are not in conformity with the question statement. Let me present an alternate structure below: (NOTE: Who says only people with advanced age are being rejected? Sometimes, younger employees may face rejection.)

Moreover, if employees are rejected on the basis of age, a company may be devoid of the energy to adapt. These days the technology is changing rapidly and companies launch new products or services every two years. Consequently, the leadership team of a company, which consists of the CEO, CTO, and COO, should be young since youngsters are more aware of the latest technology. For example, the average of CEO of all technology companies in the United States has fallen from 65 in 1980 to 50 in 2018. Rejecting top management talent for being too young may take the wind out of the sails of these companies.

Note that the paragraph above is based on the idea of REJECTION.

To sum up, the ban of on rejecting applicants because of age is fair, wise and it will bring about many benefits to the employers. 

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