Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Modern Technology has made People Less Socially Active.

Some people believe that modern technology has made people less socially active while others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your own view.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The 21st century has witnessed unprecedented advances in science and technology which have resulted in better, faster and more reliable communication. Some people think that technological devices such as smartphones and laptops have made people less social due to loss of physical interactions and change of priorities. While others believe that people are more socially active due to increased accessibility and expanded friend circle. I agree with the latter view.

Perfect! You’ve MENTIONED the reasons supporting each view clearly and STATED your opinion.

To commence with, in today’s scenario people, especially the youngsters, (should be placed between two commas) are spending enormous time on mobiles and laptops. While earlier all the family members used to sit together and spend quality time, now they are likely to sit in an isolated place glued to their phones, TV’s etcetera and televisions. This has reduced the valuable family sessions and physical interactions. (IDEA 1 is clearly mentioned and explained. Task response is good.) Also, priorities of masses are have changed as the place of real-life friends has been overtaken by virtual friends made on various social apps like facebook and whatsapp. Consequently, while people have hundreds of friends on the social media, they never personally interact with anyone. (Let us mention social inactivity.) For instance, an Oxford study reveals that 85% of the Indian youth tends to spend two-thirds of their its leisure time in front of the screen rather than meeting and skylarking with their friends. (IDEA 2 is similar to IDEA 1. The only difference is that while the former is for family, the latter is for friends. However, this will not negatively impact your score. The examiner will consider this ONE IDEA explained in detail.)

However, I agree with the view that this trend has a wider positive side. People can talk and even watch their near and dear ones sitting across the sea world by using modern equipment that too, at a very reasonable cost which was impossible earlier a dream only. (Please explain the first point before proceeding to the next. The universal availability of smartphones and the internet has bridged the physical distance and made people socially connected. (= socially active)Furthermore, gone are the days when physical presence was mandatory to make friends. Now, via numerous sites like such as Twitter, fb facebook, and instagram, several friends can be made worldwide despite the differences of culture, language, traditions, and regions. Thus, certainly, it has led to increased social circle (This, it has certainly expanded the social circle.). For instance, an article published in Forbes magazine depicts that over 30% of USA‘s citizens have closed (distorts the meaning of the sentence) online friends residing in India.

The best placement of an adverb is next to a verb. Certainly should be placed before expanded/ increased.

The former idea in the paragraph above needs to be explained properly.

To conclude, though modern gadgets and devices have decreased the number of social meetings and changed the ideology of masses, the advantages are far more. It (The pronoun IT is singular. However, there is no singular noun to which it can refer. Use a pronoun to refer to modern gadgets and devices.) provides They provide a worldwide platform for interaction which contributes towards a socially stable community.

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