Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Curfew in the USA – Teenagers not Allowed.

In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult.

What is your opinion on this?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

In a few places in the US, when a curfew is imposed that , the adolescents are only permitted to go outside the home after a specific time during the night only if they are with (accompanies by) an adult. (The sentence’s structure is strange without WHEN and ONLY.) I totally agree with this point of view since it can cost them their life and they are not capable enough to deal with any serious issue issues.

Though the introduction’s structure is fine and you’ve MENTIONED the reasons for your opinion, the opening sentence is too long. You were not able to efficiently structure such a long sentence.

This first main reason is that children should be stopped going out alone at night is because it might be dangerous for them (IT refers to teenagers going out unaccompanied. No need to write the strikethrough portion.). This is to say that curfew is imposed only when the situation is very delicate or out of control. A small unintentional maneuver by a drunkard drunk youngster (drunkard = a person who is usually drunk) at night can be mistaken as a serious violent threat by the authorities. This can lead to serious adverse (avoid word repetition – seriousconsequences such as prison, injury or, at worse, (needs to be placed within commas. AT WORSE is just for emphasis and it is not a part of the main sentence.) a death (such as A, B, or C – prison, injury, death are nouns. Do not use ‘a’. This destroys parallelism.). For example, a study conducted by the Harvard University revealed that children teenagers (children includes all those who are below 20 years of age.) often get drunk and misbehave in public only when they are not accompanied by someone from their family.

Though you have developed the ideas, there are a few lexical resource and grammar mistakes.

Another main reason is that they are not wise enough to handle these types of situations. This is because they are young and aggressive in nature, and can be easily influenced by the militants, by giving them money, to carry out an act of terrorism. (Use adjective pronoun WHO to write more efficiently OR Make a new sentence. … militants who offer them money to carry out acts of terrorism.). The miscreants (notorious elements) often pay them money to carry out acts of terrorism. A wise family member with them (The presence of an adult family member can …..) can prevent these types of situations and children cannot fall protect them from falling prey to such unlawful activities (Two points: 1. Use THEM to refer back to teenagers. Do not use children. 2. Use the correct parallelism structure: … can 1. prevent ….. and 2. protect ….. Protect and prevent are verbs.). For example, various studies by renowned psychologist (renowned psychologists) have proved that young children (these are NOT teenagers. Task response.) are often attracted to violence and can easily fall for illegal acts. So it is important they should be properly monitored by their parents. (This is NOT an example. This is an explanation of the idea. Try creating some data in an example while maintaining the context. For example, a research by a renowned psychologist has found that more than 20 percent of teenagers get injured during curfew when they are not accompanied by adults. The presence of a parent reduces the number of incidents to zero.)

Numerous issues: Need to work on creating an example, sentence structuring, and grammar. You’ve made a good attempt in developing arguments.

In conclusion, youngsters should not be allowed to go alone at night without adults because they can put themselves at risk of losing their lives life and they are not fully grown-ups to handle serious situations.

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