Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Lowering the Speed Bar will Lead to Road Safety – 4.

Some people say that lowering the speed bar will lead to road safety, while others believe that there are many other factors which can contribute to road safety.

what is your opinion and discuss both the aspects.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some people believe that reducing the speed limit leads to fewer accidents on roads since it is easier to control the vehicle, while others opine that measures such as imposing heavy fines and traffic awareness among people can increase safety on roads. I agree with the latter view.

Perfect! You’ve MENTIONED the reasons that support each view specifically and concisely.

On the one hand, it is believed that reducing the speed limit of vehicles can prevent mishappenings on roads. Various (1) Data collected by the National Highway Authority of India (NHAI) suggested suggests (2) that most of the accidents on roads are due to over speeding. This is because it is easier for a driver to control a vehicle in at slow speed than in at high speed. (3) For example, in Germany, ever since (4) the new laws were enforced to reduce the speed limit by almost 15 miles an hour, there is has been (5) a huge decline in the number of road accidents.

1. Various data seems weird. Though I’m not sure whether it is incorrect, I recommend using data only. (Data is the plural of datum.)

2. If you’re not mentioning a date, better use the present tense.

3. Logically, the reason is incorrect. You should mention the same reason in different words to make it correct: This is because during an emergency it is extremely difficult to control a vehicle at high speed.

4. Since can have two meanings – because OR from then till now. If you wish to use the latter, either mention the year (since 1947) or use ever since or since then.

5. Wrong tense: Whenever SINCE is used, the correct tense is present perfect continuous. The activity started in the past and continues in the present = has been/ have been.

On the other hand, it is thought that there are other effective ways to increase safety on roads. Imposing heavy fines on high speed driving and jumping red lights will make a driver think twice before breaking the rules. For instance, similar initiatives were taken by the Canadian government about a decade ago, since then many people started driving responsibly and this has led to less few (6) accidents on roads (7). Moreover, traffic awareness campaigns through media to educate people to follow traffic laws can help in reducing mishappennings on roads. (8)

6. Accidents = countable. Less = uncountable. Few = countable.

7. Improve the example by using some data. Be more specific in an example than in an idea. For instance, the Canadian government increased all traffic violation fines twofold in 2007 and this has reduced the number of accidents by 17 percent during the last decade.

8. You’ve left the idea unexplained. Most people are not aware of simple traffic rules such as zebra crossing, overtaking lanes, and no-horn zones that increase the chances of an accident.

In conclusion, although the slow speed of vehicles leads to more safety on roads, I believe that increasing fines for breaking traffic laws and imparting traffic law education among citizen leads to lesser fewer accidents on roads.

The essay is well written. You’ve made a few grammar mistakes. All ideas, except one, are well developed. Cohesion is fine. You need to learn how to write a stronger example.

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