Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Teachers Have an Important Role to Play in Educational Success.

Some people believe that teachers have an important role to play in the educational success, while others think it is the students’ attitude that matters. Discuss both views and share your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Many attribute the success in education to the key role that teachers have. Others think it is due to the characters (the plural of character is character) of the students. I have the view that a well-organized and experienced teacher is the cornerstone for of any teaching process achievement (success).

The introduction aboveis fine. It will fetch you good bands. However, it is better to MENTION the reasons supporting each view in the introduction. While some people think that teachers can play a significant role in the educational success of students by using the latest technologies, others believe that a student’s own determination and willpower are more important.

The way a teacher delivers a subject determines, to a large extent, the outcome (outcome must be connected to determines. Either put to a large extent within commas or write: … determines the outcome to a large extent.). If the teacher he uses the latest technologies in the class (place such as next to the word it exemplifies. Here it gives examples of technologies) such as Videos and Screen images in the class, and if he creates a healthy environment in the class by motivating students via competitions and other means then the students will definitely be more engaged and interested and they will exert themselves to surpass their peers and succeed (1). On the contrary, a dull, typical, repetitive way of teaching may repel students and make them hate the subject altogether. In other words, the method and techniques that are used by the teacher in the class define its play a vital role in educational success.

1. Replace the teacher with HE to refer back to ‘a teacher‘ in the previous sentence. “If he 1. uses …. and 2. creates ….”. The correct construction for If, Then clause is that THEN is silent. All you need to do is put a comma. “If X, Y” 

Note for this sentence (1): You have constructed this sentence beautifully. Despite a few suggested changes, I must commend your efforts. You’ve used IF, THEN clause and tried to write perfect parallelism.

On the other hand, those who give the attitude of students higher importance argue that without a proper behavior such as submissive and discipline, and real will determination there will be no light at the end of the tunnel of the teaching process. if a student is not interested or motivated, he will not be able to assimilate his lessons in the first place. W which, most probably, will lead to his failure at school (The same principle applies to ‘most probably‘ as the one applied to ‘to a large extent‘ – see above) (2). However, I think that this problem can be diminished by embracing a different an interactive and engaging teaching pattern in the class. (Different is vague and not specific. Interactive and engaging are more precise.)

2. This sentence should be an explanation of the idea in the previous sentence. While the idea is about discipline and determination, the explanation is about motivation. It is better to explain the role of discipline and determination in educational success. A student will benefit from a teacher’s lessons only if she is determined to score well and has the discipline to attend classes. A student who lacks the will to achieve cannot be taught even by the best teachers.

To conclude, though students’ attitude is important for them to thrive in school, the role of the teacher is much more important due to its part in motivating and encouraging the students to apply themselves to learn and hence succeed in their educational path (journey). 

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