Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Modern Technology has made People Less Socially Active – 2.

Some people believe that modern technology has made people less socially active while others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your own view.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is certainly true that modern technological devices have changed the human communication process. While many people argue that technology has made socialization process of this has made people less socially active, I believe modern sophisticated gadgets have made individuals more social.

THIS refers to ‘modern technological devices – communication process’. Promotes cohesion.

It is better to MENTION the reasons supporting each view. While some people argue that this has made people less socially active since they spend most of the time on gadgets, I believe the opposite 

As many argue, the usage of modern technologies such as smartphones and the internet have has (usage – has) (alternately: As many argue, modern technologies such as smartphones and the internet have led to ….led human life to social isolation because people tend to spend more time on these devices, either to play video games or communicating to communicate with their online friends (either X or Y – X and Y are parallel.). As a result, face-to-face interaction is extremely rare and this has weakened the relationships community sense. Instead of having a physical conversation, everyone seems to have set priority to have virtual communication. Therefore, people feel that technology has had an adverse effect on the social life of people.

Some words are redundant. If you remove them, there will be no change in the meaning of the sentence. Rather, their presence creates confusion. 1. human life – human life can’t be socially isolated. 2. ‘people feel that’ – leads to the repetition of the word people in the same sentence.

Though you’ve made a good attempt in developing arguments, this could have been written better by creating an example: For example, a recent study has found that Indian youngsters spend more than 30 percent of their time glued to a smartphone or a laptop. This is leading to isolation, depression, and disputes in marriage. In fact, the structure of a traditional Indian family is collapsing.

However, I support those who opine that modern communication system has prompted us to be more socially connected. The speed at which we can interact with each other has transformed the diverse world into a well-connected network as geographical and political boundaries are no longer a barrier to communication. With help of s Social network sites namely Facebook and Instagram, have facilitated people to make friends online in any parts part of the world (With the help of social network sites such as Facebook, people make online friends ……) (1). By doing so, people are now more cognizant about and connected to the international community.

1. While the former sentence is a simple sentence structure starting with a subject (social network sites), the latter sentence begins with a modifier (With the ……. Facebook). You mixed the two structures. Read the article on Modifier.

The arguments in the paragraph above are well developed.

To summarize, although there are arguments in favor of the viewpoint that advanced technology has enabled made people socially inactive (better word of inactive is made. Better word for active is enable.) (disconnect), I believe that new communication devices and technologies have had (comment below) a positive effect on the way people socialize. It is hoped that futuristic innovations in the field of communication would also make people to establish help people establish more social contacts.

Use of HAVE HAD: This means that the action occurred in the past and has consequences in the present. But, technology is still shaping us. The action has NOT ended. I have had dinner at 8 pm. 

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