Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Teachers Have an Important Role to Play in Educational Success – 1.

Some people believe that teachers have an important role to play in the educational success, while others think it is the students’ attitude that matters. Discuss both views and share your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Education plays a an indispensable role in everyone’s life as it not only helps secure lucrative jobs but also makes people good citizens (subject-verb disagreement: it = singular. Verb must have s/es.). In order to achieve academic success, many factors count such as educational institute, teaching methods and student’s willingness to learn (1). Although many opine that a teacher’s role is essential to educational success, I believe that all the attempts of the teacher are abortive as long as a student are is not inclined towards their his studies.

1. You can improve the introduction’s structure by removing this sentence and making space for REASONS supporting each viewpoint.

Although many people opine that a teacher’s role is essential for educational success since she is an expert, I believe that a student’s determination and willingness are crucial for success.

As many argue, professional teachers have expertise in subjects they teach, therefore, they provide in-depth explanations and knowledge of any particular topic. This enhances children’s performance at academic level. For example, a teacher of history, who has done higher studies in history is an expert in her subject, not only can teach a lesson from academic syllabus but also can provide information beyond syllabus which enables children’s to get better insights into the subject and perform well in exams. (2) Thus it is clear that teachers play a distinctive role for better performance of students. 

2. Parallelism issue: Not only X but also Y. X = can teach, Y = can provide.

You’ve made good efforts in developing the arguments. Though you may score well for this attempt, there is ample scope for improvement. The example can be improved by writing more specifically. 

For example, a teacher of history, who is an expert in her subject, cannot only teach about Napoleon’s strategy during the war with Britain but also his mindset and prevailing circumstances. No student can learn these things from a book or the internet since the teacher has read numerous books and journals.

However, I support those who claim that children’s determination is crucial for better academic results. For example, a determined  student from a rural school, where there are not no skilled and experienced teachers are available (there are = are available), can outperform the student from a school having world-class faculty. (3) Every day we can read such shinning examples in the daily newspaper. Tenacity, willingness, and persistence of student are essential ingredients to perform better at the educational level. Any effort made by experienced teachers would go in vain if students have a careless attitude towards studies.

3. Please explain HOW? While mentioning tenacity, willingness and persistence is fine, they’re not specific but general in nature. The student can watch youtube videos of lessons from world-class faculty members, read books and magazines, and follow the news to excel in academics. Persistence and determination in these endeavors ensure the student’s educational success.

In conclusion, while teacher’s help student to be successful in achieving achieve success in education, I believe that a teacher‘s efforts would not make any difference at in a student’s academic result if the student is not determined to learn.

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