Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Educating Young and Adults.

The education of young people is the main priority in countries around the world. Some people believe that educating adults who cannot read or write is essential for the society and more funding should be made available for it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Adults’ education is of the highest priority in almost every country in the world. Therefore, an extended efforts should be applied made (can’t apply efforts. can MAKE efforts.) in addition to allocation of (1) an extra fund in order to eradicate illiteracy and pave the road for young (task response – the question is about all adults irrespective of age.) adults to learn and acquire skills and eventually contribute to the development of the country. I highly strongly/ firmly (more appropriate words) agree with this view since it also can help pull those uneducated individuals out of the poverty trap.

1. FUND is always ALLOCATED. Lexical resource. 

Educating illiterate adults pours in the has tremendous (numerous) benefits of for the society (2). Firstly, it helps adults to start learning learn various types of skills. Consequently, those skilled laborers can play a key role in bringing their country forward (3) growing their country’s business (revenue) and developing it by carrying out different types of projects and activities in the society. (4) Furthermore, skilled labor force may attract The availability of this workforce (referencing – cohesion) attracts big companies in the developed countries to establish new branches in the less developed countries, providing additional income (tax revenue and fresh jobs) to these countries the country (which country? I can see developed countries and developing countries. But not a specific country.). Hence, it is the government’s responsibility to establish from A to Z (does not convey any message) dedicated centers that accept illiterate adults and teach them the basics of reading and writing.

2. pour in = flow into something. Does not suit the sentence.

3. Bring forward = Move something physically forward. Bring forward those books. Moreover, “bringing th country forward” is vague and not specific. What is its precise meaning? Nothing. Write more specifically as I’ve written above.

4. This is not a new point but an explanation of the previous point (growing the country’s business). Remove furthermore.

Secondly, educating illiterate adults, also, (You’ve used firstly in the previous paragraph. Use secondly and avoid also.) is an efficient effective (5) way to enhance their living standards. When educated and skilled, a person will most probably be able to get a more decent job with a higher salary and more greater benefits. This will help him to lead a happy and fulfilling life with his family. If an illiterate adult did does not learn to write and read, he would will lag behind his peers in the society and be compelled to accept low-level jobs with a low payroll. This would take a heavy toll on the her (let us link back to the illiterate adult) children who, in turn, would not get a proper education and, as a result, may suffer struggle to make their ends meet as they grow up and become uneducated adults.

5. Efficient = do something in a more productive manner. That something is already being done. You’re just making it more productive. EFFECTIVE = Among many ways, this is the right path.

Though you’ve made a nice attempt at developing the above paragraph, you need to avoid using the wrong words – efficient, suffer. The paragraph is well-constructed, nevertheless.

To conclude, educating illiterate adults is a step forward in the way to a more developed and advanced society and more satisfied and happy individuals. Therefore, this process should be financed and supported by the government.

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