Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Increasing Crime Among Young Offenders.

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

According to some people there is no way but learning parenting skills for parents to effectively curb the rising crime rate among young adults, according to some. While teaching parenting these skills can significantly help to remedy the problem (good job! THE is a great referencing device.), I think that other measures such as providing better living standards for poor families can also be equally effective. take part in achieving that.

Nice efforts in constructing an impressive introduction. Some areas of improvement exist nevertheless.

There is no doubt that educating parents about the best parenting practices is essential to enhance their parenting skills in shaping a child’s behavior (Let us be more specific about the idea. Mention what exactly are parenting skills – shaping the behavior. Now explain how they can shape the behavior.). Such courses will broaden the parent’s their knowledge about the needs and characteristics of a child at different ages. This will make it easy for them to notice and handle any deviation sign of aggression, depression, anxiety, and fear in the behavior of their children (Let us write more specifically than merely mentioning DEVIATION.). Additionally, those these (such) courses teach parents how to instill in their children the moral values they need needed to differentiate between good and bad (their refers to parents, they refers to children. Let us avoid the pronoun misallocation.). (1) This is very crucial in protecting children from being dragged into crime realm.

1. Explanation missing. How do these courses teach parents? Are other parents not aware of such techniques? The parents learn about various games and activities that teach children the value of honesty, integrity, truth, and teamwork. The parents who do not attend these courses are never aware of such practices.

The ideas should be better developed to score better bands.

However, I think that joining parenting courses is not the only way to reduce crime rate and there are other effective measures that can be implemented. (A fine sentence to trasition form the previous sentence to the next.) Enhancing the living standards of poor families is one prime (Prime = most important. If it is PRIME, it can’t be one of the solutions.) solution to be considered especially if we know that, according to recent research, the desire to live a better life was is the main driver for the majority of youngsters who commit crime crime committers (crime committers seems weird.). This can be done by providing financial support to families who have no breadwinner, and creating more jobs in the market to decrease unemployment rate in the society. (decrease the unemployment rate in the society)

This idea is better argued than the previous one.

To conclude, while teaching parenting skills is definitely an efficient way to address the problem of alarmingly increasing crime rate among young adults, I believe that poor living conditions pose a breeding ground for youngsters to deviate and therefore poor families should be aided.

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