Answer Checking

IELTS General Task 1 Correction: Letter to Your Friend About Job Offer.

Write a letter to your friend about a job offer that can be suitable for him/her and say

Describe the job

What are the facilities available?

Why is this job suitable for him/her?

20 minutes, 150 words at least.

Answer:  

Dear Sunny,

I hope my letter finds you in radiant health and high spirits. As I know you are fed up of with your current job position and are in search of a new one, so here ends your job-hunt. I have a lucrative job offer for you let me offer you a lucrative job. (Do not use SO with AS/SINCE. )

There is a vacancy for of Senior Assistant Manager in the main branch of HDFC Bank where my father works. In fact, he has told me about this vacant position. It is a 9 to 5 job where you would be leading a team of 12 subordinates. (What does the assistant manager do? That describes the job. It is a marketing job in which you will lead a team of 12 subordinates to procure business for local residents.)

The bank is quite renowned for its fast and reliable services provided not only to the customers but also to the employees. There is a Staff Van which provides the facility of free to and fro commuting to and back. Handsome salary packages are allotted to deserving candidates along with the benefit of the provident fund. (The facilities are adequately stated.)

I firmly believe that this job will suit you the best for two reasons. Firstly, it is a sitting job and you have a field job currently which you are tired of (1). Secondly, the salary output would be definitely higher than the one you are already getting (2).

1. The structure of this sentence is not as clear as it should be. The two jobs have a contrasting nature. Use a word to express contrast – UNLIKE. Plus – Explain a bit. Firstly, unlike (express contrast) your previous field job, this is an office appointment in which you will comfortably lead the team from the headquarters.

2. Your words are fine. However, you can increase the bands by writing more specifically – this will explain the idea in greater detail. Secondly, due to your extensive experience in handling clients, the bank will offer you a 20 percent appreciation over the existing salary.

I wish you would like my suggestion and appear for the interview held on 25th of August. For any query, contact me or visit the web portal of the bank.

Best Wishes, 

Jane.

You need to structure the sentences in a manner that communicates the ideas clearly and specifically. This will also help you develop the arguments better.

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