Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Protecting Environment and Limiting Energy Use.

Scientists have been warning for many years about the importance of protecting the environment and that we must limit the use of energy in our daily lives. Despite warnings, many people do not do this. What are the reasons for that and how people can be encouraged to take an interest in protecting the environment? 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

The environment is an often repeated theme in the IELTS exam. Here is a May 2018 essay question: Consumer Goods Production Damaging Natural Environment.

Answer:

The wise use of energy and the significance of saving the environment are two major points that scientists have warned (How can they warn about GOOD things? Nobody will warn about the wise use of energy. They should warn about the misuse of energy.) the people of repeatedly. However, the response was has not really been encouraging as people’s attitude never has not changed (1).  The absence of immediate effects of those issues (2) and the overblown sense of trust in technology‘s ability to find a solution are to blame. The media can be leveraged to shed the light of the seriousness of these problems. 

1. Prefer present perfect or present perfect continuous. The thing started in the past and continues in the present.

2. Which issues? You’ve mentioned ‘wise use of energy’ and ‘saving the environment‘. There are NOT the issues. The issues are ‘overuse of energy‘ and ‘degradation of the environment‘. You’ve nowhere mentioned the issues.

Let me restructure your sentences. Merge sentences 2 and 3 (above) to one sentence (below). The introduction must not look as long as a body paragraph. Keep it short: The scientists have repeatedly warned about the increasing wastage of energy and degradation of the environment. However, the people have not responded positively since the immediate effects of these issues are not apparent and the technology is believed to solve every problem.

The overall reaction of people to the frequent environmental threats highlighted by scientists is extremely inadequate. This is because all the alarming environmental reports talk either about potential problems that may occur after tens of years (decades) or about issues that have happened in the distant part of the world such as the melting of polar ice. And in both cases, people feel less responsible due to the absence of tangible effects in on their life. (the argument for idea 1 is well developed) Another reason is that after the unprecedented technological advancements the world has witnessed recently, people now are so confident that it is a matter of time and there will be a new technology that can fix those issues new technologies (inventions) will fix the problems without any change in existing lifestyle. For example, many people believe that the efficiency of motor vehicles, air conditioners, and other electrical and mechanical appliances will increase in the future. Consequently, they can continue to use these products at the same pace. (Arguments for idea 2 are not developed. Please explain the idea thoroughly.)

To push people to be more proactive and responsible towards protecting the environment, the media, using its different types, can play a key role in drawing people’s attention to the seriousness of problems their careless attitude to the environment could lead to. For example, a documentary about plastic bags that shows a bag’s entire cycle which starts the moment a careless person throws it in the street, till the moment it sinks into the sea and reaches the stomach of a fish causing its death to it is a very influential video that many would think of changing the way they get rid of plastic bags after watching it method. Such methods can help in changing people’s mindset towards environment and energy use. (It is difficult to carry a long sentence effectively. Please break it into two to make things easy.)

The solution and its explanation are adequate. Though you’re developing the ability to write complex sentences, I suggest that you should restrict yourself in a few cases. Sentences that are too long may become difficult for you to write and for the examiner to understand.

To conclude, the limited effects of environmental issues on people’ life and the confidence in the capabilities of technology to tackle these problems make people less responsive to the scientists’ environmental warnings. More media focus is required to raise the awareness of people to the consequences of their practices. (well concluded.)

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