Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Tendency of Humans to Copy One Another – 1.

The tendency of human beings to copy one another is increasing in popularity. Is this a positive or a negative development? What can be done about it?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The propensity of individuals to intimidate imitate (intimidate refers to THREATENING someone) others is increasing in admiration. (wrong word – admire = appreciate or praise something) It can be commented that copying other people thrives (thrive = flourish. It is similar to develop) enables an individual to become more developed and highly competent. However, people should be aware of disastrous consequences to gradually minimize its negative elements.

Several words wrongly used. You’ve made an attempt to use some heavy words – but the usage is incorrect. Gradually = Slowly. You can’t slowly minimize the negative elements. You can avoid the negative elements. 

While intimidating imitating others, an individual cultivates new innovations new ideas (innovation = something (object) new or different. Can’t write new innovations. Or can’t cultivate innovation. Can’t cultivate an object.) because the mind’s approach widens the blend of copied thoughts and new ideas emerge (This is too philosophical. Does not convey a clear meaning.). As an axiom (sounds strange. Axiom = universal truth, something accepted without proof. This is NOT an example.), the a painter, first learns the basics, then tries copying famous paintings, and finally is able to imagine anything new and makes magnificent paintings (1). (2) Similarly, the musicians first learn to play popular tunes before advancing in creating to create their masterpieces. The developed mind, by coping, furthermore further enhances the capability of a person to compete in challenging situations, such as high-level musicians being able to play live solos spontaneously (3)(4) Therefore, copying others has benefits that help individuals to prosper.

1. You’ve combines a number of thing in a sentence without much regard for the connecting devices that increase cohesion. Note the underlined words that connect the ideas like beads in a pearl necklaceA painter first learns the basics and copies the works of famous artists. Gradually she assimilates the ideas of these painters and develops a habit of independent thinking. This is then reflected in her own painting. Without first copying someone else’s work, she can not develop something unique.

2. The idea as well as explanation are not clear.

3. Give example of challenging situations only. …. challenging situations such as live performance before thousands of fans.

4. How does copying help in competing in challenging situations? Please explain.

However, people should be aware of the negative aspects of intimidating imitating others as it can lead to dreadful consequences. People going for face-lift and cosmetic surgeries, (5) following their favorite celebrity or creating a selfie look, results in a face full of mistakes serious medical complications if the procedure goes haywire. Bollywood stars such as Koena Mitra and Rakhi Sawant are the prime example of that, (6) who lost all career opportunities after a failed surgery (Were they trying to copy someone? Lost task response.). Hence, by means of awareness (You’ve not discussed any means of awareness above.), the risk factors involved in intimidating imitating others can be reduced. (7)

5. Wrong MODIFIER placement. Who is following their …… look? Surgeries? A modifier gives information about the noun it is placed next to. Here, it doesn’t give information about people but about surgeries. Correct sentence: Following their favorite celebrity, people often resort to face-lift or cosmetic surgeries that result in serious medical complications.

6. Wrong modifier placement. Apply the principle explained in point 5. PLUS, the adjective pronoun WHO should be placed next to the noun it qualifies. An adjective is always placed next to a noun. In fact, there was no need of a modifier: For example, Bollywood celebrities such as KM and RS lost major career opportunities after a failed face surgery.

7. Restructure the sentence. Avoid ‘means of awareness’: If people are aware of the adverse consequences of mindless copying, they can avoid the risks and protect themselves from problems. 

In essence, it is a positive development as by copying other people individuals can flourish economically towards prosperity (prosperity = flourish = thrive), nevertheless, they should be aware of the negative results as well, and take decisions consciously.

 

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