Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Illegal to Reject Someone Applying for a Job Because of Her Age.

In some countries, it is illegal for employers to reject job applications on the basis of age criteria. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the Sample Answer to this question.

Answer:

Many countries’ system do does not support biases (1) on the basis of age when applying for the job. I believe this phenomenon is a positive development (2) having and it has numerous advantages ranging from equality of opportunities for all to increase in competent options for the employer.

1. Though BIAS is fine, the most appropriate word is DISCRIMINATION. “Does not support bias” is not the same as “illegal”. You should better write “does not allow discrimination“.

To commence with, it is the fundamental right of all the humans to get equal opportunities for education and job. In the absence of any partiality on the criteria of age, this right can be fully entertained by all the job applicants and they can prove their worth and capability. For instance, my friend’s grandfather could not complete his studies in his twenties and thirties due to some family responsibility. He rejoined the college at the age of 43 and not only gained a degree but also got a lucrative job in a reputed company at such a late age. Obviously, it is a matter of great pride for him and his family. (So, is making job based discrimination illegal a positive development? You’ve not mentioned a law that makes this illegal. What you’re proposing may be voluntary and not strictly enforceable since it is NOT illegal. Task response is weak.)

Moreover, age should not be a deterrent to the jobseekers since it leads to healthy competition and the employer can select the best fit for his company. Thus, the selection will be just and fair and help to recruiting the deserved deserving candidate only (2). It also enhances the productivity and profit of business since a proficient worker regardless of age opens the door of success for the whole team. For instance, in 2013, Samsung employed a team of 12 young faces for decision making process. Though it faced huge criticism for involving inexperienced staff, the decision proved to be fruitful and now the company is among Top 5 smartphones manufacturing units. (Was the company compelled by law to do this? There is no mention of illegality in discriminating job applicants on the basis of age.)

2. You’ve made a serious sentence structuring mistake in the introduction as well as body paragraph 2. You’ve connected TWO ideas without a connecting device. “The selection will be just and fair (idea 1) recruiting the deserving candidates (idea 2).” Is recruiting just and fair? Or is selection just and fair? Are ‘just and fair‘ the people who are ‘recruiting the deserving candidates‘? I hope you understand the problem when two ideas are connected but the connecting device is missing. I’ve corrected it above.

In conclusion, age-based discrimination in job interviews should be made against the law in all the nations as it (refers to age-based discrimination. Wrong sense. I’m sure discrimination is NOT beneficial.) is beneficial for both the society and grooming the businesses. It would lead to a socially stable and economically prosperous community.

A severe loss of task response.

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