Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Different Cultures Mixing Today.

Different cultures are mixing today and the world is becoming a global village. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The numerous advances in science and technology over a the last couple of decades have revolutionized the way of communication and transportation. This has led to the mixing of several cultures and evolved many intercultural communities. I strongly opine in favor of this trend since it leads to greater mutual understanding among the nations and wider opportunities for job and trade. (Bravo! Good job in developing an appropriate paragraph and sentence structure.)

To commence with, in today’s scenario, most of the countries are coming closer and shrinking into a global village. Owing to this, many communities have developed a feeling of love, harmony, and tolerance for one another. World peace and co-operation are becoming new motto of many groups of cultures, making the Earth a better place to live on. By exploring different cultures, traditions and values, not only the friendship goals are achieved but also essential knowledge is gained (This sentence can be better structured to explain how peace and cooperation are developed. By exploring different cultures, these communities develop a deeper knowledge and understanding of each other and this promotes friendship between them.). For instance, a study by the UNO reveals that cultural exchange among 40 different nations, which were once hostile to each other, has developed friendly relations among them these, once which were thought to be enemies(wrong placement of adjective clause that gives a quality of nations. The better words for countries is not enemies but hostile.)

A nice attempt at writing clearly, specifically and concisely. There is a scope to explain better.

Moreover, a deep knowledge of various cultures implies expanded employment prospective prospect since people would be employable for in several companies and institutes belonging to the respective a foreign culture (the meaning of the respective culture is not clear.). (Explain HOW before moving to the next point – trade.) It also enhances the trade among countries by providing a global platform (HOW?). For instance, the Indian students studying in Australia are eligible for applying for job in both the countries since they would have experienced both the culture and its their norms. Hence, they would have lucrative options for work. (This is an explanation for the former idea. Better place it next to that idea.)

Moreover, a deep knowledge of various cultures enhances the chances of employment in global corporations (IDEA). These corporations are a melting pot of different cultures. Only those who understand the Indian, Japanese, British, American and European cultures can truly thrive in these companies (EXPLANATION – two sentences). Thus, an Indian student in Australia understands both cultures and has brighter chances of employment in Apple, Microsoft or Google (EXAMPLE – very specific).

In essence, collaborating the distinct cultures escalates the employment opportunities and builds healthy relationships among several countries. Thus, this trend is certainly a positive development and is beneficial for posterity, which leads to social stability and economic prosperity.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.