Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Best Way to Improve Road Safety.

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to lower the maximum speed limit. Others think that there are better alternative ways to do this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

People are risking their lives on roads in today’s fast-paced life. Some people consider the best way to curb this problem is to reduce the speed limit while others emphasize on another alternate (another = singular, measures = plural. Prefer ALTERNATE since you’ve used OTHER already) measures. These I believe that both these opinions have merits that could be beneficial for saving human lives on roads.

(Since the question states “give your opinion”, I recommend writing “I believe/ think/ opine”. THESE should be placed next to OPINIONS. Beneficial for human lives? How? – by SAVING them.)

You can improve the introduction by MENTIONING the alternate measures. Just mention them in the introduction and explain in the body paragraphs.

To begin with, to decrease decreasing (1) the maximum speed limit will definitely have positive impact. The nominal speed limit and under safety norms (what are under safety norms? Anything vague will reduce your score.) will be helpful to decrease the extent probability/ possibility (2) of accidents happened happening due to high speed. For instance, youngsters are more fascinated towards high speed and they want to feel the thrilling and thrilled by the experience by of driving vehicles at high speed (avoid repeating high speed twice in the same sentence.) which may be fatal for themselves as well as for others (as well as includes too) too. Therefore, by restricting the maximum speed limit, road safety can be enhanced. (3)

1. There is a subtle but important difference between to decrease and decreasing. If you use ‘decreasing’ it refers to an action that will have a consequence. Decreasing speed = saves lives. However, if you use ‘to decrease’, it is a consequence of an action. You should enforce strict laws to decrease the number of traffic accidents.

2. Extent of accident = how serious the accident was. It is not the same as the number of accidents or the possibility of accidents.

3. The idea is fine. But the explanation is not strong. Please read the paragraph again and you’ll realize that you’ve not explained how exactly reducing driving speed helps reduce accidents. Just add two explanatory sentences: Most of the accidents occur when humans lose control of a fast moving vehicle during an emergency. Reducing the maximum speed limit increases the control over steering and brakes and helps avoid serious, life-threatening accidents.

On the other hand, people do not considered above mentioned solution as effective as other alternatives. They think alternatives can be more beneficial such as (no need to write this. PLUS, such as exemplifies the noun it is placed next to. Here, it gives examples of beneficial and not alternatives.) alternatives such as implementation of strict laws about traffic rules, more awareness towards road safety and imposing imposition high fines on lawbreakers (violates parallelism – implementation, awareness and imposition are nouns and hence parallel.). For example, there should be proper traffic light system on roads and the (violates parallelism) adequate arrangements should be there to manage the traffic. If people receive smooth traffic and good conditions of roads, then they will not drive rashly (4). Also, there should be no relaxation for those who do not obey road safety rules.

4. Two flaws: This sentence is logically incorrect. If there is smooth traffic and excellent roads, this is a motivation to drive rashly/ speedily. PLUS, this sentence does not EXPLAIN the example. Your example’s first sentence is about traffic lights and traffic management. This sentence does not explain them but raises new points. The argument is left incomplete.

For example, Chandigarh has the best traffic management system in India. The city not only has traffic lights but also traffic police at every intersection (explains TRAFFIC MANAGEMENT – the previous sentence). This acts as a deterrent for anyone to violate the traffic rules and makes the city’s roads one of the safest in the country (the consequence – completes the example by linking it to the topic).

In my opinion, these all these measures should be implemented on a priority basis and this burgeoning problem can be solved by the combined efforts of local councils, NGO and the people themselves. (Explain HOW? Do not leave an idea unexplained.) Moreover, these all measures need to be understandable in explained to the young generation by organizing seminars and campaigns in educational institutions and m . Media can also play a vital role to raise awareness among people so that this habit can be inculcated from the childhood (whose childhood? I’ve not seen any reference of children or schools.) which can help to raise a responsible citizen. (The ideas are not coherent. Lack proper connections and logic. Moreover, they are not explained adequately.)

In conclusion, I must say that this problem can be handled by limiting the speed limit (can’t limit the limit) in addition to other alternatives such as strict rules and heavy fines in case of breaching (violation of) traffic rules(breaching what? In the context of traffic rules, the better word is VIOLATION.)

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing a polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.