Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Live in Large Apartment Blocks – 1.

In many cities today, people in large apartment blocks. Does this kind of accommodation have more advantages or disadvantages?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is certainly true that a majority of the population in metropolitan cities resides in apartment buildings. Although living in flats (You can use a referencing device – THIS) has some drawbacks, its benefits are far more due to affordability and safety of them (weird construction – of them).

Although this has some disadvantages such as ……., there are a large number of advantages ranging from affordability to safety.

If you’re planning to discuss disadvantages, I recommend MENTIONING them in the introduction.

Admittedly, (This word is used when you are ADMITTING something. What is the need for admission/ confession here? He is admittedly the one who stole the necklace. – That is, he admitted that he stole the necklace.) there are some disadvantages of dwelling in apartment towers. Firstly, there is a lack of personal space as multiple flats are built on a single floor. This means every apartment owner has a confined room to use (1) family member is limited privacy to express her needs and desires. She cannot, for example, draw a painting or write a poem in isolation. Lack of space, thus, inhibits people’s capacity to creatively express themselves. People who are used to live living in independent homes might find it difficult to adjust.

(S1) In addition, the architectural styles of all flats in one building are usually similar (identical) and they are designed by builders. (S2) Even though flat owners have freedom to alter the interior of the accommodation, they cannot do much to the exterior of the flats. (S3) Therefore, they cannot change the design and extend their flats even if they want to. (2)

1. Room can’t be confined. I guess all family members are confined, not the owner only. Moreover, you need to explain the IDEA – lack of personal space. What do you mean by lack of personal space? What are its consequences? Please explore that as I’ve done in the blue color above.

2. Note that S1 is NOT the idea. It is an explanation of the idea that people can’t change the external design of their units (S3). The idea is written after the discussion. That’s the exact opposite of what you need to accomplish.

Moreover, the owners of these units do not have the flexibility to change the external design (IDEA). The apartments in a building or a society have the same architectural appearance. This makes these units monotonous and it is impossible for anyone to distinguish one apartment from another. The external design cannot be altered at all since it not only carries the risk of structural damage to other apartments but also destroys the symmetry of the building.

Nevertheless, (Once you’ve used DESPITE, there is no need for NEVERTHELESS) Despite these drawbacks above, (THESE includes ABOVE) apartment blocks offer several compelling benefits. The main advantage is their affordability. Since cities are densely populated, there is dearth of land. As a result, the value of land is skyrocketed (This is PASSIVE voice. This means that SOMEONE is skyrocketing the price of land. Who is that someone? Wrong construction. Let us merge the two sentences and avoid passive voice.  Since cities are densely populated, there is a dearth of land and the value of a piece of land is extremely high.). City dwellers having moderate salary packages cannot afford independent homes. Thus, they prefer flats which are affordable accommodations.

Another benefit is safety. As these buildings are constructed with modern architectural techniques, they can withstand natural calamities such as storms and earthquakes. Independent houses, on the other hand, mostly suffer from poor construction quality since these are constructed by petty contractors. I believe this the major advantage because people can save themselves from the massive destruction that a natural disaster can cause. (The argument for the second point is not strong. Are independent homes prone to destruction?)

In conclusion, as per my perspective, merits of living in large apartment towers are more than its demerits.

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