Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Staff Who Worked for a Long Time Should be Promoted.

Some people think that only staff who worked in the company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position.

What is your opinion on this?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is argued that only those employees who have served for a longer long period in the company should deserve a promotion (1). I totally disagree with this point of view since they might not have the caliber to be at the assigned position and it can be demotivating for other young workers having more talent. (Points specifically mentioned. Good job!)

1. LONGER is in comparison with others. My clothes are longer than my brother’s. THE COMPANY refers to a specific company. A COMPANY refers to any company. Since you’ve not mentioned any company earlier, you should not use the.

The reason time (2) should not be considered while promoting an employee is that she they might may (an employee = singular. Use singular pronoun. Might = past form of MAY.) not deserve the position handed to her them. In other words, promotions are often associated with the contributions done towards the company’s growth and the targets achieved by an employee in the company. (3) Allotting a position on the basis of serving period will be an injustice to a worker who has the required skills and experience to be at a particular position(Both the struck off sentences are an explanation for the NEXT idea – why talented employees may feel demotivated.) 

2. What do you mean by TIME? It can have multiple meanings. For instance, it can refer to the date of promotion. Sometimes you have to write more to put things clearly. The reasons that working for a long time with the same company should not be …..

3. You should explain why some employees MAY NOT deserve promotion despite working for a long duration. (You’ve explained why some people deserve a promotion. The idea is the same, however, the presentation must be different to suit the context. If an employee fails to achieve a company’s revenue, customer service, profitability targets, (be specific in explanation) she does not deserve a promotion even if she has worked with the company for a long time.

Another point to consider is that it demotivates a new employee striving hard to get top position. Merely losing allocating/ giving a position to someone who has served for a longer period not only kills the morale of a talented worker but also prevents them her to further apply themse’lves from further applying herself sincerely to an assigned task (another subject-pronoun disagreement) (4). This is because they are under the impression that they will not get what they deserve (THEY would have been fine if you had used “Talented Workers” instead of ‘a talented worker’) (5). This leads to reducing reduces the efficiency and the output of a young worker in the company. For example, a recent survey conducted by The Times stated that the prime factor behind the motivation in workers is the frequent promotions given by the company. (Are these promotions based on seniority or talent? The context is missing.)

4. You’ve used NOT ONLY BUT ALSO for the same idea. Kills morale = prevent further applying herself. In fact, one is a consequence of another. They’re not separate points. The better construction, logically, is AND. … for a longer period kills the morale of a talented worker and prevents her from …….

5. Please note that some sentences can be better written. ‘They will not get what they deserve‘ is less clear than ‘This is because they are under the impression that they will not be suitably rewarded and appreciated for their efforts and achievements. There will be no promotions since senior employees are preferred over talented ones.’

In conclusion, company should only promote the employees on the basis of their knowledge and experience rather than the time served in the company and this will also keep them motivated to give their best.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing a polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.