Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Role of Diet, Exercise and Stress in a Person’s Health.

A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet, gets plenty of exercise and avoids stress.

What should people do to stay healthy in your country?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Proper diet, physical exercise, and tension free life are most common example’s (these are not examples but reasons for a healthy body) listed by people who are healthy (1). People at my place in the United States need to focus more on superior eating habits, have proper physical exercise and maintaining hygiene. There are multiple choices to be made according to one’s own interest; however, food and exercise are the most common approaches to be health conscious(2)

1. There is a better way to write this sentence. It is always better to write in active voice. So, instead of writing ‘listed by people‘, prefer ‘people list‘. Place subject before the verb. PLUS, a better word than list is attribute. Balanced diet is better than proper diet.

People often (commonly) attribute their health to a balanced diet, regular physical exercise, and a tension-free lifestyle.

2. Sometimes you need to stop yourself from writing. Here, you’ve already stated what people need to do in your country (United States). The strike-off sentences also mention the same idea. Two sentences are enough to complete an introduction.

Firstly, the public have has to maintain a healthy lifestyle with food, workouts and any other ways like preventing stress etc., (3) It is very essential for a person to be healthy as it aids in all the works. (This does not address the question “What should people do to stay healthy”.) There are several ways to be healthy. For example, it’s hard for an overweight person to stay fit. By appropriate planning on the intake of food (How does one plan that? Be specific in your response.), and working out (How?) helps losing weight which in turn makes the person happy and healthy (You’ve repeated the same statement in different words.). By eating organic food every day one can stay fit and healthy. In my opinion, good diet shall certainly helps to maintain sustainable life.

3. You’ve written the same statement again. This is not the place to repeat the statement mentioned in the introduction. Body paragraphs are meant to EXPLAIN the things you’ve outlined in the introduction. You’ve listed three things that people in your country need to do: 1. superior eating habits. 2. proper physical exercise. 3. maintain hygiene. You should explain “How superior eating habits can make people in your country healthy”. 

Steps to write a better paragraph:

1. Keep the question in mind. Do not deviate from it.

2. Write specifically. Do not write vague and general statements. The message must be clearly communicated.

3. Elaborate every idea completely. Do not move to the next idea as long as the first is not thoroughly explained.

Sample Paragraph: Firstly, a superior and balanced diet plays a crucial role in keeping people healthy (only one IDEA clearly is written as the topic sentence for body paragraph. Now explain balanced diet and its role in keeping people healthy). Taking all nutrients such as proteins, vitamins, and minerals in adequate quantity is essential for the human body. Today, a standard American diet consists of coca cola and burgers which are junk food. This food is rich in calories, lacks essential nutrients, and causes cardiovascular diseases (How diet in your country is NOT healthy). The people in my country need to switch to eating fresh fruits and home-cooked vegetables to stay healthy.

Please re-write the essay to meet the question’s requirements and follow the structure given above to elaborate on each idea.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing a polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.