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IELTS Essay Correction: Competitive Sports are Good for Bringing Together Different People and Cultures – 2.

Some people argue that competitive sports are good for bringing together different people and culture. Others argue that these sports can cause problems and increase conflicts between nations. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Sports competitions have been a great way of displaying the talent of people from different cultures since ages. Some people believe that international sports events are extremely beneficial since different people and cultures come closer leading to exchange of valuable knowledge and formation of healthy relations between nations. While others think that it can cause conflicts due to a spill of confidential data. I opine in favor of the former view.

To commence with, sports are an indispensable part of the human race (The first sentence of body paragraph should mention the IDEA. This is not an idea but a general statement meant for the introduction.). Today plethora of competitions of distinct sports such as cricket, hockey, tennis etcetera are held on the international platform. When another country’s players visit a the host country, they come in contact of with different people, their cultures, traditions, and values which provide them knowledge and a better understanding of that place. For instance, during the commonwealth games of 2010, players visited Punjab and Rajasthan in their spare time to get an insight of its their culture and tradition. (Okay. So what was the impact/ benefit?) Moreover, sports are, undoubtedly, the best way to establish friendly relations between the countries which is the fundamental motto of World Peace(This is not a new idea. You should have covered this in the previous idea.)

The idea is not thoroughly explained. Please read my paragraph (derived from your ideas) below and note how things progress in a logical and specific manner. Discuss if you have any doubt.

I strongly agree with the view that international competitions help in building strong relations between nations. When players from different countries visit the host nation, they learn about the culture, traditions, and values of that country. This helps in reducing the barriers and eliminate any cultural bias. For example, when players from different western and eastern nations visited India during the Commonwealth games of 2010, they learned about the Indian traditions such as praying in a temple before any event. Initially, these activities were seen with skepticism, but as the games progressed, they realized this was not only perfectly harmless but also a spiritual path. Such an understanding between people from different countries transpires into stronger and peaceful relations between nations.

Nevertheless, many a time sports events prove to be hazardous for the welfare of a nation and its people. These can lead to a leakage of crucial data related to the matters of defence and economy to other country which, consequently, can raise conflicts between the concerned nations. (1) For instance, the inside pictures of places of historic and cultural significance clicked and posted by the guest players can be misused by hostile countries. (not clear. HOW?) Thus, intentionally or unintentionally, it causes a problem for the host.

1. Please EXPLAIN how the information can be leaked. A few nations may choose to disguise their spies as players and send them to the host country to collect this information.  For example, during the recent US Open, Russia sent some of its spies as specialists accompanying certain key players. They collected sensitive US information from local people and safely took it to Russia. This has become a major global issue.

To conclude, various sports competitions are vital for deep knowledge and understanding of different people and culture and can establish harmonious relations among diverse cultures but certain restrictions should be imposed on the guest players and faculty to ensure the safety of own host country and its people.

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