Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Illegal to Reject Someone Applying for a Job Because of Her Age – 1.

In some countries, it is illegal for employers to reject job applications on the basis of age criteria. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the Sample Answer to this question.

Answer:

In many nations, it is completely banned (1) for a company to refuse a job to someone on the basis of age. I think that this is a negative development because age can affect the efficiency of a worker and some jobs requires people of a specific age group of people.

1. The right words fetch more bands. A better word than ban is prohibit or illegal. Some companies are prohibited from refusing someone a job on the basis of age.

Age plays an instrumental role in many professional fields such as sales and marketing job where it hardwork is often required hard work (where hard work in the field is a prerequisite) and not only this but also (2) a person has to travel from one city to another. After a certain age when a person enters in his 50s (A certain age has a similar meaning as 50s. Use only one to refer to an advanced age.), his work efficiency starts getting diminished because of growing old and losing strength to carry out daily (daily = routine) routine work. This can negatively impact the sales of a company and they it should, therefore, have the right to reject any applicant not suitable for a job.

2. Use only one connecting device – not only but also OR and.

Similarly, (use a connecting device to develop cohesion) medical science fields often require old and experienced prospects individuals for the job (wrong word: prospects = a potential candidate. The person is not an employee.). This is because these people have invested a huge amount of time understanding various problems and gained lots of experience going through daily cases to tackle issues effectively. A young doctor might be incompetent to rectify suggest the most appropriate cure for (rectify = to correct something. You can rectify a mistake. But not a disease. The most appropriate word for a disease is CURE.) a disease because of a lack of experience. On the contrary, the glamour industry often wants young faces to promote their products since people are attracted to beauty and more tend towards buying tend to buy products promoted by young models. Thus, age-based restrictions are necessary to perform various tasks effectively and efficiently. (Let us link back to the essay topic.)

In conclusion, banning (preventing) (stopping) a company to refuse from refusing a job applicant on the basis of age is a negative development because many fields required hard labor which is impossible after certain age and (3) other fields require strong experience to ensure the safety of others.

3. Wrong sentence structure. Your sentence means: which is impossible after – 1. a certain age and 2. experience to …. = which is impossible after a certain age and impossible after experience … (the latter seems incorrect, isn’t it?). Separate the two ideas at the level of FIELDS – many fields, other fields.

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