Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Speeding Up of Life has Negative Effects.

The speeding up of life in many areas such as travel and communication has negative effects on society at all levels – individual, national, and global. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Nowadays, people claim that advanced technology and science has have (1) improved the efficiency of travel and communication. However, others believe that this change has a detrimental influence on a person, a nation and the world internationally. (2) I believe the advantages of this change are far more outweigh than (3) the disadvantages. (It will be better if you MENTION the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction.)

1. “Science and Technology” is a term and is counted as singular. ‘advanced technology’ and ‘science’ are counted as two separate entities – hence PLURAL.

2. Internationally = adverb. It should be used with a verb only. “I have traveled internationally.” Person, nation are nouns. Use a noun – WORLD.

3. Wrong construction. The correct constructions are: more than; far outweigh.

Firstly, opponents (opponents of what? The question is addressed to you. This is YOUR OPINION. If this is NOT your opinion, do not write it.) opine that high-speed communication and travel has have affected people psychologically and increased irrelevant effects (4) such as air pollution and tension in the nation nationally and globally (5). Instead, high-tech life has solved the problem of an end to end connectivity. Every problem‘s solution is just an email away whereas earlier it was very stressful to send or receive a reply through postages post and it was a lengthy process (You’ve not explained the “problem of end-to-end connectivity”. This is VAGUE. Be more specific. – 6). Secondly, speedy lifestyle has reduced the problems (again, which problems?) by advancing social life through social networking sites, which provide face to face connectivity to the other side of from one part of the world to another. Which is more relevant and valuable for businesses and for strong social bonds. Which also, reduces the need for travelling. (Can’t begin a sentence with WHICH, unless it is a question. I have clubbed these two points under one point. See point 6.)

4. Irrelevant = something which is not relevant to the topic. How is air pollution irrelevant?

5. You have violated the basic principle of essay writing – MENTION only one idea at a time and explain it. Ideally, you should have raised only one issue – say, affected people psychologically. Then explain this before moving to the next point – air pollution.

6. Better communication systems have reduced delays in human interaction (Clearly written idea – mention the problem that has been solved). Whereas earlier a paper-based letter used to take weeks to reach from one person to another, the email and a video call take seconds (EXPLAIN – how that problem was solved.). This has improved the efficiency of business and strengthened the relations between family members (The final benefit of that solution – the real ADVANTAGE.)– at individual level.

Thirdly, fast pace life helps in the economic development of the a nation and the world internationally, (wrong word – see point 2) by improving connectivity of commuting and communication (7). which is positively attributing towards surging increases the trade growth and expansion of expands businesses. (This idea lacks explanation.)

7. Strange construction – how does fast pace life play a role? What do you exactly mean by fast pace lifeThirdly, better connectivity for travel and communication help in economic development of every nation and the world by increasing international businessFor example, the proliferation of airlines to the remotest corners of Russia has enabled the oil industry experts to travel and build refineries. This has increased oil revenue to the country.

Advocates of opposite opinion (This is your opinion.) think that high life standards (The question is on speeding up of life.) create various problems such as more traveling emits carbon dioxide through vehicles and airplanes air transportation. Which increases air pollution (You’ve already mentioned air pollution through carbon dioxide.) and advanced communication affects people psychologically extra pressure of work leads to depression and dangerous for brain functioning. (8)

8. EXPLAIN air pollution before proceeding to psychological pressure. How does speeding life lead to environmental pollution? What does than environmental pollution do? On the other hand, speeding up of life results in people traveling to distant locations that lead to a severe pollution problem. This results in global warming and melting of glaciers. Also, this leads to several health problems such as asthma to people.

In conclusion, positive effects are far more than negative effects of communication and travel traveling. which helps help in building a strong economy for the all nations and the world globally, and individual personal and professional life is highly benefitted.

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