Blog

ISLPR Letter: A Collection of Children’s Artwork.

Your center has been collecting children’s artwork for the art auction to raise funds. Write a letter to invite parents to attend the art auction. (150 words)

Answer:  

Dear Parents,

Subject – Invitation for to the art auction. (You invite someone TO a place and FOR an activity. )

As you know that our preschool organizes different events every year as a fundraiser so to raise funds for charity, (1) this year Tigger’s is organizing an art auction on 12th oct of October 2018 at 5 pm. I am delighted to invite you to this event.

1. Fundraiser – a person. Do not use SO with AS/ SINCE. Prefer SINCE/AS X, Y. Since it is raining, I will not go to school.

Since your child has been practicing different artworks from a for the last few months with the guidance and support of teachers, the management has decided (present tense) to display the beautiful art in a different way. All the areas (which areas?) (2) will be decorated with different art pieces such as (3) the handprint art will be displayed in the discovery room. You can buy your child’s art with minimum a dollar (4). Besides, you can even pay more if you want choose to make a donation as this is a fundraiser. fundraising event for specially-abled children. (why are you raising funds? Please make it clear since it seems more logical.)

2. Please note that ‘all the areas’ refers to ‘areas’ that have been previously mentioned. It is better to first mention the areas. Do not try to squeeze the things in one sentence. Elaborate them properly. We will prepare five rooms in the school to display art and each room will have a different theme. For instance, the handprint art will be displayed in the discovery room.

3. SUCH AS is used to give examples of the noun – art pieces. You’ve written an entire clause as an example. Please use FOR EXAMPLE as written under point number 2.

4. Why restrict a child’s art to her parents only. Replace ‘minimum a dollar’ with ‘as low as one dollar’: Parents will have an option to purchase any child’s artwork for as low as one dollar. Each child will prepare five pieces of art and we will display more than 200 artworks in this exhibition. (Shift the first sentence of the next paragraph here.)

You’ve tried to develop the idea in a logical manner. However, the expression can be improved by using the suggestions made above.

Your child will have a minimum 5 pieces of art (What is the significance of this sentence? Do you want to convey an idea? I ask this because every sentence is a paragraph should have links to the entire paragraph. It is similar to the nervous system.). Moreover, at the end of the event at around 6 pm, a few hampers will be auctioned as well. These hampers are donated by different families to promote their business. The money collected through this event will be used for buying some new equipment for the preschool.

The first sentence has no connection with HAMPERS. It should have been placed in the previous paragraph.

I am sure this will be exciting and you will love it so encourage your child (for what?) and support our event by joining us on this day. (Keep it simple.)

I look forward to your participation in this event.

An important mistake: Your letter suggests that artwork WILL be prepared by children. But the question suggests “has been collecting”.

Your’s sincerely,

Ginni.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.