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IELTS Essay Correction: Children Should Start School Sooner.

Some people think that the children should start school sooner while others believe they should not start it before the age of seven. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The perfect age for getting a child enrolled in school has been a topic of contestation since time immemorial. Some educationists believe that children should start formal education earlier at the age of 3 or 4 to absorb (learn) social skills and to make them aware of various school norms. While (When you use WHILE construction, present the opposing opinions in the same sentence.) others reckon that a 7-years old child should be sent to school (1) since then only he can cherish his early childhood to the fullest and can learn basic moral skills at home. I strongly opine for agree with the former view.

1. This does not convey that children below 7 should not be sent to school. 

Others reckon that a child should attend school only after the age of seven (= should not attend school before 7) since …….

I assert that kids should be admitted in the schools sooner for dual benefits. Firstly, they learn to make friends in the class and are likely to grasp the concept of ‘share and care’ at a small tender (young) age. (EXPLANATION missing. This is only the idea.) When they meet their peer group in a class, they play various games and share food. This builds the spirit of teamwork. This is not possible if these kids stay at home and join school after seven years of age. (build context) Moreover, children acquire knowledge of several school norms and gain various qualities such as discipline, leadership, and co-operation etcetera. For instance, in schools, many competitions are held in which small kids as young as four years (build context) give either solo or group performances. By participating in these events, they certainly grasp the above-mentioned skills which are indispensable for growing into a talented and profound adult.

Though you’ve mentioned ‘sooner’ at the beginning of the paragraph, I suggest some comparison with the other view (if these kids stay at home).

Nevertheless, many people argue that children should enter the threshold of a school not earlier than the age of seven. According to them, the early foundation years of child children (you’ve used the pronoun THEY) should be free from any kind of burden of books and studies so that they can enjoy at home. (EXPLAIN the idea – If kids attend school for six hours at such as young age, they are left with almost no time to interact with their parents and other family members.) Meanwhile, in this time they can learn crucial moral skills which would form the basis of their personality. (CONTEXT: Are these skills not taught in school? There is no mention of either school or home. This has to be done both in the idea’s explanation as well as an example.) These skills can not be taught at school and only parents, who are really close to the children, are capable of doing this. For instance, being at home the child can be made acquainted with table manners, certain ethical concepts viz wishing the elders and inculcate rational thinking (2) to distinguish between right and wrong. (Can this not be done in school? To maintain proper context, please make a comparison. – see 3 below.)

2. Acquainted with three things – table manners, wishing the elders and rational thinking.

3. Restructure example: For instance, while children as young as five years learn painting, dance, and language in school, it cannot teach them morals and manners. Only parents can teach them the table manners and the right way to wish elders.

In essence, since the early years of a child are essential for his/her overall development, the child must be sent to school for getting formal education to acquire social skills and disciplinary knowledge. However, (there is no contrast here. You’re just allocating a different time slot.) the Other moral and behavioral skills can be attained after the school hours.

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