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IELTS Essay Correction: In Modern World,​ We Are More Dependent on Each Other.

Some people think that in the modern world we have become more dependent on each other, while others think that people are now more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is often argued by some that in recent times the dependency among individuals has increased than in the past because of the stress and anxiety, whereas others believe that individuals are relying rely (simple present tense, not present continuous) on themselves because of the recent advancements in the field of technology. I agree with the later view.

On the one hand, most of the time people tend to have different commitments to fulfill in order to survive in this competitive world leading to stress and anxiety. To cope with these issues, people tend to they (referencing device) become increasingly dependent on certain close relatives and friends for moral support. For instance, a recent survey conducted across major cities in India by The Times in 2016 revealed that around 68 percent of respondents were of the opinion that in order to cope with stressful times because of complexities of modern life, they are dependent on their near and dear ones for emotional support. (Okay, this is not an example. You’ve used a few facts to mention the idea again. An example should clearly NAME the complexities of modern life. It should mention how exactly family members provide emotional support. Be SPECIFIC in your example.)

For instance, before a recent interview at Google, one of my friends was extremely stressed and was busy in preparing all possible questions the company could ask. During this phase, his parents supported him by not only placing their trust in his abilities but also by preparing food and snacks every day.

On the other hand, some people, including me I, believe that with the technological advancements people are becoming more self-reliant. This is because people they can now accomplish most of their tasks without the help from of others because (two because in the same sentence sounds weird.) technology offers solutions to most issues and therefore, people do not have to be dependent on others (You’ve already stated this in the first sentence of this paragraph – self-reliant(Restructure the sentence to avoid using because twice. Since technology offers solutions to most issues, people accomplish most of their tasks without the help of others.). For example, students can research on any academic topic of their interest on the Internet, without the need to consult their teachers from time to time. You’ve written too little in this paragraph. I think the idea is not properly elaborated. You need to write at least two explanatory sentences. Mention some of the issues and solutions (other than academic research) to elaborate the idea.

On the other hand, some people, including me, believe that with the technological advancements people are becoming more self-reliant. Since technology offers solutions to most issues, people accomplish most of their tasks without the help of others. An individual can find the route to an unknown place with the help of Google Maps and this has eliminated the need to ask strangers for the route. Similarly, students these days use online libraries to find research papers and journals and they do not need a librarian to help them. This has drastically reduced the dependence of librarians.

In conclusion, while some believe that in modern times, people tend to depend more on others since they lead a stressful life, I think people are self-reliant these days because of the innovative solutions offered by technology.

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