Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: New Cheque Book From Your Bank.

You ordered a new cheque book from your bank two weeks ago but you have received nothing.

1. When and how you ordered the cheque book.

2. Ask how much longer will it take.

3. Ask the manager what action he will take over this matter.

20 minutes, 150 words at least.

Answer:

Dear Sir or Madam(Let us stick to one – anyone.)

I am writing to complain about the improper service which I received from your reputed bank. (That’s fine. But it is always better to let the other person know the context of the letter in the opening paragraph. PLUS, set a positive tone. Not confrontational but friendly yet assertive. Pick cues from the question – cheque book, bank, 2 weeks)

I am a loyal customer of your bank for the last ten years and have been largely satisfied with your services (Friendly tone in the opening sentence. Note collocations – underlined.). However (Sets contrast with the previous sentence – you were satisfied earlier, not now.), about two weeks ago I ordered a cheque book that I needed urgently (a better context – you could not afford this delay) and, unfortunately (this word mentions your EMOTIONS), I have not received it yet.

Few weeks ago, (please use it in the introduction) On August 15th, I ordered a new cheque book on the online portal of Axis bank‘s Mumbai branch. I had sent an email to the accountant and I received the acknowledgment confirming the order. However, now more than fourteen days have passed and I have not yet received the said item(This is the problem you are facing. Mention this in the introduction.)

Introduction: Create groundwork for the letter by mentioning the problem. Do not forget the right tone.

Body Paragraph 1: Stick to the first question.

I am in an urgent requirement of the cheque book because I require need to pay my clients through post-dated cheques. As you have exceeded the committed timeline, I wish to know that how long do I have to wait for the its delivery of the bookIt will be helpful if you can get it delivered by this weekend.

As a manager of a reputed bank, I (Modifier mistake – see 1 below) would like you to take a prompt action regarding this issue. I request you to inquire with the concerned staff for the above reason of delay. Furthermore, I request you to issue me an urgent cheque book till by tomorrow so that I can conduct my business smoothly(Give a reason.)

1. “As a manager of a reputed bank” – modifies ‘I’. That is, ‘I’ is the manager of a reputed bank. That’s incorrect. As a manager of a reputed bank, you should act promptly to solve this problem.

I look forward to hearing from you and hope to receive the cheque book at the earliest.

Yours faithfully,

Daniel.

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