Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Good to Have Uniform For All Employees.

Some people say that it is good to have a uniform for all employees at work.

Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is argued that it is better for employees to wear a uniform at work. I completely agree with this point of view since it helps employees them (use of a referencing device helps increase cohesion in your answer.) to save their hard earned money and it is good for the holistic progress (This is vague. Let us write more specifically.) of both the organization and a worker.

… and it is good for the economic growth of a company and for the equality among all employees.

The reason uniform is important is that many people tend to spend more than the necessary time and money on purchasing office wearing branded clothes for office along with expensive accessories such as cufflinks to look attractive and presentable. This exerts huge pressure on their savings to look presentable in front of their colleagues and managers (wrong placement). (The idea is still incomplete. Does UNIFORM solve this problem? Mention this before moving to the example.) This unnecessary expense can be prevented by fixing a uniform for all employees. For example, it is estimated that office going employees spend about 30% of their annual income in buying branded clothes as they consider mistakenly believe (= which is not true) that promotions are, nowadays, based more on how good a person looks more than on the skills he possesses which is not true (more on X than on Y). (You’re jumping to conclusion. You’ve nowhere suggested that UNIFORM is a cheaper alternative.) Thus, a single type of a uniform at the workplace will allow them to save more money and time.

The example can be strengthened by making it more specific. For example, Toyota Motor Corporation has fixed a uniform for all employees on the shop floor. The company purchases these dresses and gives them to the employees. This has eliminated the need to purchase a dress and has resulted in immense savings for the company.

Another reason is that it fosters the sense of equality among workers. In an environment where every worker is workers are (You’ve used the pronoun THEY. Need a plural noun.) required to wear a the same type of uniform, they will not feel an inferiority complex at the workplace as everyone will look the same as they do and this allows them to focus all their attention on the work. Therefore, this not only enables a worker to give more output to a company but also helps them her (wrong pronoun) to get promotions and bonus quickly and secure their her future. Moreover, uniform plays an instrumental role at the time of emergencies. For example, many times people call for immediate help after seeing a police officer nearby when they feel a threat or met meet with an accident.

You can comfortably avoid the struck off portion. This idea is not explained adequately. You’ve written 325 words. Even if you eliminate these 36 words, you’re above the minimum words.

In conclusion, a uniform is important for workers as they can save and invest their money for more important things in life and will not face issues such as lack of self-esteem which can affect both the company as well as their growth. (Well said.)

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