Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Sports Important for a Nation’s Development – 2.

Some people say that sport is very imp for nations development while others believe that sport is no more than a leisure time activity 

Discuss both the views and give your own opinion?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer: 

Sport has Sports have been used for many millennia to bridge the gap between people and bring out the best in humanity even in the worst of times. (the opening statement is good.) The intensity, zeal, and excitement with which sport is played transcends national boundaries and inspires millions of people throughout the world. There is no denying the fact that today sport assumes a vital role in establishing peace and harmony not only among nations but inter-community as well. However, there are others who believe that sport is no more than a leisure activity. I believe sport has a larger role to play rather than being labelled simply as a leisure activity.

The introduction is too long. Ideally, you should write one sentence each for view 1, view 2 and your opinion. I’ve struck off a sentence to reduce the size of the paragraph.

First of all, (It is better to MENTION your opinion with the view. This helps you avoid body paragraph 3. Reduces the number of words and saves time.) I believe in the view that sport is inherently social in nature. It brings all people such as players, spectators, volunteers together in such a way that they feel connected to each other and thus share a common bond even though they may be from different social, political or religious background. (Very well written. But, does this lead to development?) This results in everyone working together to achieve the common goals of a society and, thus, lead to social and economic development. For instance, cricket matches have been used to establish peace between India and Pakistan even when the political leaders were not in talking terms with each other. This prevented a war between the two nations and promoted business. (connect with development.) Secondly, sport provides a healthy platform to the youth where they can channelize their energies in sporting activities instead of subscribing to drugs, violence, and anti-social activities thus directly benefitting a country in creating a better youth(See 1. Let us create a separate sentence and link it with DEVELOPMENT.) This enables the youth to remain constructive and contribute to the development of their nation.

Your ideas are fine. The sentence structuring and grammar are good. However, task response is weak. Keep the key-words of the question on the radar. Use them.

On the other hand , there are some who believe that most of the sports we play are generally in a controlled environment and there lies no significance of the goals that we score or sixes that we hit besides for recreational purposes and thus it doesn’t assume any importance in one’s life(1) – The argument is weak. Elaborate it as much as the previous paragraph. This only helps people to kill monotony and boredom and enjoy time with their friends. There is no greater purpose. For example, I play football with my friends everyday from 6 pm to 8 pm. This helps me stay fit. However, this does not contribute to the development of my country in any direct manner.

1. You’ve made this mistake TWICE. Please do not squeeze the idea and its conclusion in the same sentence. The explanation of the idea is already too long. Squeezing the result (conclusion) of the idea in the same sentence makes the structure weak.

I believe , practicing sport on regular basis not only keeps us fit and active but it inculcates essential life skills such as leadership and teamwork especially among youth which is fundamental for a successful political , social and economic development of a country. (MENTION your opinion with the view you support. See body paragraph 1)

To conclude , the sport has a larger role to play in not only forging stronger ties among communities and countries it also assumes great significance since it is a fun way to keep our society fit and healthy both mentally and physically and thus contributing . This contributes directly in nation building. (The conclusion contains your opinion. Why write a separate paragraph – body paragraph 3 – to write your opinion?)

Total Words = 357. I’m afraid this will consume more than an hour and compromise task 1.

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