Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Paper Money Will Be Replaced By Credit Cards.

Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually, we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Plastic money has become an integral part of today’s world. It is argued that hard cash will soon become obsolete and all transactions will take place through credit and debit cards. This event would, eventually, create a safer and convenient environment for the community. I disagree with this statement because cashless transactions would increase fraud and would be inconvenient to elder people.

To begin with, payments done via bank cards give rise to online scams. This is to say that (No need to write this. Directly jump to the explanation,) There are several hacking sites online which hacks steal (avoid word repetition) the password of the card and uses use it illegally (1). This process is called phishing where the numbers typed during the online transactions are captured by hackers. For example, several none HTTP (let us keep it as less technical as possible.) websites cheat customers by asking card number and its password to complete the purchase (This is NOT an example. See 2.). Internet fraud prevention association has authenticated HTTP sites for scam free transactions. However, due to ignorance customers provide their information to these nonprotected websites and lose their money(3)

1. Subject-verb disagreement: Subject = several hacking sites = plural. Can’t use s/es with a plural subject.

2. An example is one which is specific in nature. You have to name people, things, events. Mention dates. For example, a recent U.S government report has found that since the internet is unregulated, there are numerous phishing websites (paragraph context) and they steal more than a million dollars from Americans every year by copying the bank card data (essay context).

3. Instead of writing this, develop context by mentioning that a cashless society is less safe than a cash-rich one. Thus, a cashless society is less secure than a cash-rich society in which frauds are far less.

Furthermore, online transactions are unfriendly to (4) inconvenient for older people. This is because they are accustomed to paper money and new cashless credit and debit card transactions require password generation and internet devices. Because credit card facilities were not available during their youth in their generation, the elderly people are less technology savvy. Consequently, these people they either mistype the card details or provide secret details unknowingly to strangers resulting in financial loss (use eitheror construction). For instance, many aged people in my community still prefer to manually fill a cheque for payment instead of doing online transaction because they consider it unsafe(5)

4. Unfriendly is used in the context of a person. Not a thing.

5. This is, again, not an example. For instance, my mother, who is sixty years old, never uses Paypal, Paytm or Google Pay to make transactions because she finds these platforms too complex. She still prefers cash transactions at the local shops.

In conclusion, I believe that replacement of hard cash by credit and debit cards would create an unsafe environment for the community because it would increase online scams and would be uncomfortable for less technologically savvy people.

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2 replies »

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