Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: More and More Young People Are Becoming Jobless.

In many countries, more and more young people are becoming jobless. What problems do you think unemployment will cause to individuals and the society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Unemployment has become a serious matter (collocation) of concern (a serious concern) in many nations, especially developing ones. (the opening statement is fine) Due to this problem, a majority of young adults are remaining devoid of jobs (devoid of jobs = unemployment. This sentence does not convey any message.). This scenario will makes (1) the youth vulnerable to indulge in perilous activities like crime and will halts (1) the economic growth and development of society as well (If you use AND, do not use AS WELL.). (The sentence conveys the idea well. Good job. Need to work on grammar.) This issue can be managed by encouraging young ones to become entrepreneurs and by reforming the education system in order to make adults competent to work globally in the international world.

1. Maintain the same tense: Unemployment has become = Present tense. This makes = Present tense.

Mass unemployment affects individuals as well as society in a negative way. Jobless youngsters remain all free all the time and come under psychological stress because of their inability to make ends meet (wrong idiom) meet both ends together. This will ultimately makes (2) them prone to involve in unlawful acts to earn money. (the idea is well developed. Good job!) For instance, a number of studies have proved that the culprits of most of the criminal cases are young ones (The example does not strongly support the idea. 3).

Moreover, the progress of society will decrease owing to low economic productivity. This happens due to lack of number of earners, consequently results in social unrest among citizens. (Unlike the previous idea, this is not well developed. You may choose to write less. But, you should write very clearly and logically. Since your IDEA is about ECONOMIC PRODUCTIVITY, it is better to explain how productivity is lost. No need to mention social unrest.) (4)

2. Do not change the tense. There is a continuity here. Youngsters remain free – they are prone to ….. Maintain the present tense.

3. An example should be strongly linked to the idea. For instance, several studies in India have proved that as the youth unemployment has increased from 5 percent in 2008 to 10 percent in 2018, the number of crimes reported have increased several times.

4. Moreover, this severely impacts the progress of a society by reducing the productivity. (explain how this reduces productivity) As a fewer number of youngsters enter the workforce and the elderly remain in jobs, the businesses and governments lose the energy to achieve more. The elderly are less energetic, less ambitious and less technology savvy than youngsters.

The predicament of joblessness can be addressed by giving motivation to young people to start their own businesses, for which government can provide low-interest rate loans. This approach will not only produce entrepreneurs but also create job opportunities for others. Another proactive step is that higher educational authorities need to upgrade the education system which will impart the latest knowledge and vocational skills in to students so that they can flourish their career in a global market.

Well-done. The solutions are clearly mentioned and explained.

To conclude, though unemployment among youth has been increasing day by day and it has negative impacts on the young ones and the society, effective steps such as youth motivation towards fresh businesses and modification of educational methods will prove to be beneficial for its reduction.

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