Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Illegal to Reject Someone Applying for a Job Because of Her Age – 3.

In some countries, it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Over the years companies kept on looking for methods to employ the best people for their companies (This sentence does not serve any purpose and can be comfortably avoided.). For this reason (for which reason? if you are looking for something and you find it, that does not become a reason for finding.), these Many companies put age qualifications of the applicants before they would consider them to be a part of their workforce. However, at present, it is deemed illegal in some countries to reject individuals for such reason. In my opinion, it is a completely positive trend as there are still a lot of more significant factors to be considered in hiring rather than just (just = merely) merely focusing on the age. (1)

1. Okay. The question is “Is this a positive or a negative trend”. You’re not supposed to explain the alternative ways to hire an employee. You should clearly mention and explain the reasons for whether this is a positive or a negative thing. Task Response score suffers.

One factor that every employer must look for in an applicant is their her (Subject-pronoun disagreement. Subject = an applicant = singular. You can’t use a plural pronoun.) academic qualifications. (I can’t see how age-based discrimination is a negative thing. Please see 1 above.) Some applicants may be younger than the required age (minimum age) but are still able to perform excellent jobs and introduce better ideas.

(Let me put a break in the paragraph here and try to set the context right. Let me use your ideas to create a proper task response. You think that age-based discrimination is a negative thing. Right? Let us paraphrase your sentences above: Firstly, the age-based discrimination prevents a company from hiring talented employees. (a negative thing) Some applicants may be younger than the minimum age for a job but they are more qualified both in terms of academic qualifications and experience. Such policies (restrictions) reduce the productivity, revenue, and profits of companies. (explain how this is a negative thing))

For instance, a 27-year-old newly graduated physician in the Philippines was able to formulate a better drug calculation and method to halt the progress of dengue hemorrhagic fever and thus saved hundreds of children who were suffering from such illness in the country. (Your ideas, as well as examples, must state that age-based discrimination is a negative thing. You’re not supposed to mention how qualification is a positive thing. There is a subtle but important difference. (2)) This only proves that the performance of an individual cannot be based on the age but by how an employee uses their her (subject-pronoun disagreement) abilities and knowledge to make better contributions.

For instance, Pharmaceutical companies in the Philippines do not hire energetic and intelligent science graduates who are below the age of 30. The companies in the western countries often hire these people and formulate life-saving drugs. This is hampering the Philippines from realizing its full potential.

Furthermore, another factor that should be considered is the willingness of the employee to perform their her (subject-pronoun disagreement) duties and responsibilities. Some applicants may qualify for their age but they are regrettably unable to sustain their obligations in the long run. (You’ve not explained the idea and reached to the conclusion in the next sentence. Please explain each idea thoroughly.) Hence, it is best for each employers employer to thoroughly assess and evaluate each applicants applicant (each = singular. You can’t use a plural noun with it.) regardless of the age to eliminate chances of hiring the wrong people and letting go of the right and deserving ones who can do better, if given the chance.

(You’ve spent most of the words in the paragraph above in concluding the idea. You need to explain it.)

In conclusion, it is indeed a positive trend as it is only fair to prohibit companies to make age as the basis of rejection. Individuals must be hired basing based on their educational background and merits as well as their willingness to impart valuable contributions and not by their age.

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