Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Reading Entertainment Books Vs Educational Books – 1.

Some parents believe that children should not waste time by reading entertainment books but instead, they should spend the time to read educational books only. What is your opinion about this?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Reading is an activity that helps a person develop holistically as readers come across different characters, lifestyles, and cultures while reading, (no need to write this again. You’ve already mentioned this at the beginning of the sentence.) which are instrumental in increasing their intellectual capacities. While many parents suggest that children should read only academic books rather than entertainment ones (do not use rather than with only), I believe that a child should try to read books outside his school syllabus as they can improve concentration and help him relax him. (You’ve used WHILE construction beautifully.) (The introduction is well constructed.)

It is important for children to devote more time and energy to read educational books in order to achieve better academic performance. However, reading books for fun in free time can be helpful for several reasons. (This is the same as the last sentence of the introduction. You’ve already mentioned two reasons – improve concentration, help relax. Now proceed with the first one directly. Then explain it. Entertainment books are an excellent way to develop concentration…….) The first one is that this develops reading habits in a child, (no comma needed) which could prove an asset in the formal education. This is because students have to study for longer period of time with uninterrupted concentration to fetch high score in their exams. (What is the connection between concentration and reading habit?) Reading habit allows students to develop an ability to concentrate on books for hours.

The idea is not properly developed. Need to create a logical flow from A to B to C. You’ve jumped from A (reading habit) to C (concentration) without the necessary connection (B).

Entertainment books are an excellent way to develop the reading habit and this often proves to be an asset in the formal education (A). This habit allows students to develop an ability to concentrate on books for a long duration of time (B). Eventually, they are able to study the academic course for a longer duration and this increases their scores (C).

Another reason to read for entertainment is that it can act for students as a stress buster for students since n (Research can’t be the reasons for reducing stress. Wrong use of “SINCE/ because”) . Numerous researches related to stress (tension) have suggested that reading amusing books can be effective to reduce it (use a pronoun to refer back to stress rather than repeating the word.) stress. If a child develops this habit (refers back to reading amusing books in the previous sentence) reading habits, she can utilize her spare time in reading which would be helpful in distressing her from tremendous pressure of her studies. In addition, reading improves concentration abilities and (You’ve discussed concentration in the previous paragraph) imagination. To illustrate, while reading a novel, a reader has to envisaged environment and characters of the written plot. Therefore, this can be is beneficial for children’s thinking power. (The idea on IMAGINATION is clearly and adequately developed.)

In conclusion, although some parents advice their children not to read books except from educational ones, I opine that reading for entertainment is advantageous for academic performance, for relaxation as well as for concentration.

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